Penname: Ln X [Contact]
Real name: Miles Saunders-Priem
Member Since: 01 Apr 2011
Membership status: Member
Bio:
I live in Darlington UK, I'm 21 and I'm completing a degree in mathematics with Open University. Every day I spend eight hours studying the maths. On Wednesday and Sunday I go skateboarding in a skate park located in Redcar. The skate park is called R-kade. Nearly all of my spare time is devoted to writing stories for my series. Everyday I spend at least two hours writing and checking my stories. I'm relatively new to story writing (been doing it about two years now) and with each story I write I discover a little more about writing.

DS9 is my favorite Star Trek series!

Hobbies: Skateboarding, Killer Sudoku, Sudoku, building K'Nex guitars, computerized chess, building Lego cities and of course story writing!

Any questions about my stories or my series, email me at MSPriem@gmail.com .

Here is also the chronological list of the stories from my DS9: the continuation series:

Secrets and Lies
Shallow Rights
Vacation
Bad Blood
Outlier
Devolution
Gold Rush
Medical Pariah
Commitment
Menage a Trois
Tip of the Iceberg
Survival
High Stakes
Running the Gauntlet
The Price of Sanity
Cloak and Dagger, part 1
Cloak and Dagger, part 2
To be Over
Knowing Oneself
Reunion
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
The Order of Things
Qualms
Beta-reader: No
Gender: male
Twitter: Ln X
[Report This]
Reviews by Ln X
Summary: Past Featured Story

2384: As the Alpha and Beta Quadrants continue to recover from the Dominon War, Starfleet moves ahead with the launch of a very special ship, the USS Pearl. Based on the unique design of the Enterprise-C, the Pearl is assigned to Captain Henry "Hank" Harrison and dispatched to a colony on the outskirts of the Federation, New Haven, to investigate a suspected Maquis plot.

What Hank and his crew discover is something far more dangerous ... and destructive.

 

Star Trek Chronicles Book I cover


Chapters: 30    Table of Contents
Categories: Next Generation, Expanded Universes
Characters: Ensemble Cast - USS Pearl, Harrison, Hank
Genre: Mystery
Warnings: Violence
Series: Star Trek Chronicles
Completed: Yes    Word count: 79408    Read Count: 25718
[Report This] Published: 29 Jan 2009 Updated: 23 May 2009
Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 27 May 2013 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

A great start to your story! Though I thought it was a little pervy of the admiral when he first introduced himself to Hank, I got a few creepy vibes at first. But you have really explained what sort of captain Hank is and he seems to have the potential, if only he could be bothered to use it and see it within himself (which he kind of has since he put in that transfer request).

I liked that bit with the admiral saying that Hank was at the bottom of the unofficial list, so the admiral is going around and the best captains don't want this transfer, then this could be one rough command for Hank. Though at least he gets to retain a few of his friends from his current ship or posting.

So, a great start to this story!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 27 May 2013 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Wow I've taken a look at some pictures of the Ambassador-class and she is a beauty! So nice use of a ship already shown in canon! And I have finally found a member of Starfleet who is even more of a jerk than captain Jellico (from the TNG episode Chain of Command)!

I'm also wondering if Bethany will feature as a member of the senior staff of Hank's new command?

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 27 May 2013 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

"As Chris recalled, he left the captain with a parting gift that earned him some brig time."

I take it Hank punched the captain of the Khitomer? If so Hank was a bit of bad-ass in his youth!

It also looks like Mark has been glossing over a few things to ensure his bigger brother doesn't get too protective. I must say that Chris and Mark have quite the dynamism and they seem to compliment each other rather well without becoming annoying.

Hank... He's a bit like Sisko but more upbeat and he definitely has some of Sisko's craziness and directness. I'm starting to really admire Hank's style of command!

So you've got some strong characters there that's for sure plus the story does not give to me that sense of dragging, so I'm liking what I'm seeing man!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 27 May 2013 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

An interesting scene weighing out the pros and cons of Hank being a captain of... What is this vessel called again? Maybe I missed it but is it called the Pearl?

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 27 May 2013 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Well Hank seems to have earned the respect of the senior officers (aside from Nick who is his friend) rather quickly plus Hank does not seem so aloof and detached as other captains. Hank is definitely of the mould of Sisko, possibly Janeway, and I have a sneaking suspicion that our new chief of operations officer is going to be Bethany (so maybe some steamy romance is in the cards?)...

'Go for it.' is that Hank's equivalent of Picard's 'Make it so!? That phrase of Hank's sounds in character but I think it will take some time for me to warm up to that catchphrase.

And finally we are off in no less than five chapters and several thousand words!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6

You know Paul half reminds me of Elias Giger from DS9's In The Cards, Paul is a little bit reclusive and the fact that he finds T'Kel to be such a friend speaks volumes about the man. He's sort of an oddball without having so much of Giger's eccentricity plus he doesn't say 'the soulless minions of orthodoxy'!

As for T'Kel, what fascinates me about her is her willing to go through with a divorce. I've never heard of a Vulcan couple divorcing before! So I can safely say you added something new to the whole Vulcan psyche and their society... Again Vulcan divorcing -- albeit a rare occurrence -- where did you get that idea from I might add?

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7

For all of Hank's charms and informality, he is smart enough to know how to lift other people's morale, especially since Carrey is going to be a nervous wreck around transporters (and Starfleet assigned her to the Pearl knowing this!?! I blame that Admiral Noble jerk!)

I take it from Hank's reaction that he had a big crush on Bethany but giving there are no awkward moments between the two, then Hank and Bethany remained friends and Hank kept his feelings safe. Bethany's a little bit of enigma, I mean for all her energy and drive there are clear moments where she is suffering from some long-term sorrows; for instance the divorce between her parents.

She appears falsely happy, like it's a mask she puts on in front of all others, but if she and Hank rekindle their friendship. Maybe she will open up a little bit to Hank.

But at any rate, the rumours really will start flying around if Hank and Bethany date...

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8

I'm glad to see the ending of the Dominion war hasn't thawed some Starfleet officer's opinions of the Cardassians. It seems pretty clear that some had a harder war than others, and those people may quite legitimately feel that the Cardassians deserved everything that happened to them during the final stages of the Dominion war. So that is a nice little realistic touch; lingering resentments to certain races.

Another realistic aspect are the hidden tensions between the Walker brothers, who seem amicable and friendly on the outside, but if anyone is going to snap I think it's Chris. Also I can understand Chris' consternation at having the talent but not so much the experience so that officers can respect him. They all think he is a jerk or something when so far Chris appears to be quite level.

So these extra nuances are working quite well!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Oh yes, one more thing, there seems to be an inordinate amount of grinning going around. To the point where visions of clowns and crazy people are coming to mind, maybe these senior staff have much to smile about but grinning so much feels a little OTT. It is like they are on drugs or something, though I can excuse Bethany for this because she is trying so hard to fit and is pretending so hard to be enthusiastic that I cannot wait to see her façade falter and to see what emotional turmoil lies underneath...

So, just a little niggling point I want to bring up, other than that this story is proceeding quite nicely!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9

Now things are going down! And Hank... Got caught with his pants down that's what! And I understand so well Hank's feeling after the battle; he messed up but luck helped to cover up his mistake and his inexperience. Hank's feeling is one of; how did I get away with that and not be reprimanded?

I've had that feeling several times in my life, so I can really emphasise with Hank here. Finally, just to raise the stakes I see, you threw in a mole!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10

That was one great scene about New Haven and now it no longer feels like some miscellaneous colony. It has some intriguing characters plus you connected Daren very cleverly to his future role in the plot, so that was a smooth exercise in storytelling!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11

As I expected Hank has been slapped hard on the face with a big amount of reality. I knew he was outwardly overconfident and too informal, and that's where his strategy with the crew is going to backfire. The captain should be the backbone of ship's morale but now that the crew have realised that Hank is more emotional, well they're going to feel his mood to and now his uncertainty is starting to waft around as this cold breeze and that is bad form for a captain.

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 12: Chapter 12

This story is starting to develop in all kinds of interesting directions and I'm getting those DS9 vibes here! You've given a sense of a much bigger picture here and I will be very interested in how you tie the various elements together. But one thing is for certain, you have definitely got me hooked to this story!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13

A great scene between Hank and his former captain. Right now Hank really needs a cool head and a bit of Vulcan logic and emotional detachment!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14

For some reason I think this EPS conduit is a red herring, and while it may signify the evidence of the mole tampering with systems or even portray that technician as a suspect, I personally think this is a dead end and a rather clever distraction on your part to keep us guessing!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 15

The mystery deepens, and for a man who wanted peace and an end to the war, Daren sure has a blinding hatred of the Cardassians as evidenced by his brutal attack on that fake Cardassian soldier.

Also I'm at the halfway point of the story, and since this is a big one, here is my midway review of it so far.

You have definitely got something good going on here, the main characters you introduced have some life to them and you've clearly put some careful thought into Hank and his strengths and weaknesses as a captain. You have not gone overboard with too many characters and each character has something distinctive, even if at times the story sort of forgets about them (take T'Kel for instance). T'Kel is one of the more interesting Vulcan characters I have seen but so far she has appeared in only one scene and I thought she complimented Paul's character rather well.

Another thing I have noticed is that some of the main characters seem too chirpy, cheerful, exuberant and they grin too much. I know you could explain that away as upbeat people who don't let bad situations get the better of them, but it sometimes feels a bit forced how sometimes -- take that conversation with Bethany, Nick and Hank for instance -- and the characters can talk about some very deep matters, and then sometimes in some of your scenes, they either laugh it off or let off a joke. So I'm not sure if it is a case of people unwilling to let adversity get the better of them, or if it is a case of the dialogue adding humour or upbeat moments where they are unwarranted. It's hard to tell.

Those minor shortcomings are more than compensated by an intriguing plot, some great political dimensions, especially that last conversation between Paul and Daren. In particular Daren's story is a harrowing one and it is made all the more worse in that his wife died days before the Dominion war ended, that's tough, that is really tough. So I'm glad you are adding some ethical dimensions to this story.

You also really examine the psyche of Starfleet captains, that to seems to be a big theme in this story. You have Hank's more informal and communicative style, and for the most part it works for crew morale and the crew feeling at ease with their captain. Though you also exposed some of the flaws to Hank's methods, so that is a nice bit of balancing. The flashback scenes with Hank and Kerling add some weight to the story and they do not feel like a diversion from the main story, so that is a one crafted route you explored with fleshing out Hank's past.

From reading this story I get a sense that the big three are Hank, Nick and Bethany and they all seem to know each other very well. Although Hank and Bethany feel like the more interesting of our 'big three', and I'm wondering when you will develop a romance between the two because I get that sense of such a possibility.

As for the dialogue, it appears to be rather devoid of clichés, you made a cliché of your own with Hank's 'go for it' command, while in general the interactions between the characters is smooth and I don't recall wincing at any time with the dialogue; which I gather is the driving point of your story.

Where you have used descriptive writing as worked each time and I got some images in my mind of what New Haven looks like, so if I can see this world you must be doing something right!

All in all this story is showing great promise and the set-up is developing very nicely. So I am very eager to see how well your pay-off works at the end!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16

Using that weird grey alien from TNG, the one Riker encountered, is a masterstroke and now I am completely clueless as to who this enemy is! More than anything this chapter has really changed the tone of this story and undoubtedly this series.

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Things are definitely taking a turn for the weird now! A dead Cardassian coming back from the dead, so weird...

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18

I'm surprised Bethany never realised Hank had a crush on her from the very beginning, I mean his face 'melted' so Hank definitely fell head over heels in love.

Meanwhile I like these alien's techonology and their clever use of nanites!

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Something about this scene doesn't add up. If Hekon and his ship are the aliens, and they have the advantage, why is Hekon even responding to the Pearl's hail? Why doesn't Hekon just destroy the Pearl? Thus guaranteeing a war between the Federation and the Romulans, and this is what the aliens want. So something is not adding up here...

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Looks their gamble has not paid off, and these Romulans or aliens or whoever they are, are a lot more attentive and weary of tricks and ploys then these three men and the Pearl's crew has given them credit for.

One issue I would like to bring up is Charle's breakdown. It didn't really add anything to the story and since these three men are facing certain death, what is the point of developing Charle's character when he is soon going to die? I just feel it was an unnecessary diversion and if anything a bit spontaneous and random. I mean a man the reader hardly knows, and whom the reader has no real idea about his past, suddenly breaks down for unknown reasons? Maybe I'm missing something here but that breakdown scene did not work out.

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 21: Chapter 21

Weren't there supposed to be three colonists? But it doesn't really matter now that the colony is obliterated, by what I'm not sure...

And poor Hank, he and his ship got their asses whupped! Though if the gravity was failing why were Hank and the crew suffering from the effects of extreme G-forces? Unless that was the faulty dampeners...

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 22: Chapter 22

What a state! What a state the Pearl is in, though I am surprised that this alien ship, in the guise of a Romulan vessel, does not just put the Pearl out of its misery. So more mysteries and more things which don't add up, whether in a good or bad way I don't know. But the only reason why the Pearl is still there is because of Hank, these aliens see something in Hank which is beyond me...

Good chapter, and Nick's acknowledging the young ensign's death in the bridge was rather touching.

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 23: Chapter 23

A chapter from the perspective of two messed up people; one of Bethany and Chris. The funny thing is they same the same theme; they face losing a person very dear to him yet Chris knows he loves (though I forget her name) her while Bethany is probably this way because of her hidden love of Hank. So that is a nice contrast there.

Reviewer: Ln X Signed
Date: 28 May 2013 Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24

So the aftermath of what happened to the Pearl continues, but what about Hank? The various perspectives from the main characters on the Pearl is great and all, but for me Hank is where the real interest is.

Also you have a knack for bringing in exposition after some dialogue, and then -- this is the hard part -- effortlessly returning to the present without the reader feeling a jump in continuity. It flows and I like that, it takes some talent and intuition to merge together dialogue and exposition.