Date: 19 Mar 2012 17:12 Title: Two Secrets for the Price of One
That was nice! A Cardassian officer with a heart; or was he doing it simply to protect the girl and somehow (even though he couldn't without hurting her) get her affections? Brenok's actions sort of remind me of Dukat taking a shine to Meru, Kira's mother.
Though I do wonder if Brenok never saw that Vulcan girl would he have risked so much to save her and the other female villagers? Good story, and it made me think about Cardassians quite a bit.
Dukat wanted to own Kira's mother, to use her as his own private comfort woman. Brenok fell in love and wanted absolutely nothing from the Vulcan girl. If he just wanted to rape her, he could do that without consequences, but he chose to save her from such fate. The comparison is nothing but insulting to Brenok.
Date: 01 Dec 2011 23:50 Title: Two Secrets for the Price of One
Oh! Gallant Brenok!
Of course his initial motivation is that T'Sara's so pretty, but I love how it turns into more, that what he does for her is a bit of self-sacrifice, knowing that he can never have her, or see her again.
Yes, it started innocently and then the situation changed and made him make some serious decisions. Brenok was a decent guy in a terrible system and managed to hold to that decency, even at the cost of his career and life, in his actions were found out.
BTW, the planet in this story is the same colony in the beginning of "The Shadow of the Order" ;)
Thanks for reading :)
Date: 17 Oct 2010 00:11 Title: Two Secrets for the Price of One
Oh I hope my review doesn't make you think, that I think you should have explored those aspects and that the story was demerited on those grounds. Merely, I thought the whole story was very good and obviously any expansion could only add to that. Obviously within the confines of a challenge restrictions you have to pick and choose and it makes this all the more impressive for meeting those restrictions and still feeling like a whole piece.
Oh, no :) I think that exploring deeper some plots could benefit the story, but I feared it would make it too long. I'm glad you liked it the way it is :)
Thank you for your kind words :)
Date: 16 Oct 2010 14:51 Title: Two Secrets for the Price of One
The change came the fifth day, when he was assigned to accompany the Prefect and his staff to the colonists' settlement, where they met with Federation's local 'Prefect', or whatever was the correct name for his function there.
Ok, so this is one example of what I like about the POV given here. From the Cardassian officer's perspective little details such as that would not be known. It is a simple brushstroke from yourself but it is very effective in establishing an alien perspective.
It took a long time to gather the women. Brenok noticed they were of many different races. It was strange to him – how could all of those people live together without problems? Cardassians were one, united, undivided. This was a... mess...
This is another example of setting up the alien perspective and it is also an interesting detail. For species that are largely insular such as the Klingons, Romulans or Cardassians, the sheer polygot nature of the Federation has to be surprising and even shocking. The fact of the matter is the Federation is such a mix of people, cultures, faiths, beliefs, species as to dizzy the mind. I like that Brenok picks up on this and comments.
Then we come to the officer's idealism. He is a believer in Cardassia. He is not a rebel or dissident but a firm believer in the stength of the Union, yet the things he overhears shock and appal him, spurring him into action. His motivations are squarely aimed for the safety of the Vulcan daughter with whom he has fallen in love with. Of course, it is more a truth that he has been enchanted by her beauty, is enthralled by her difference, though of course in the time in which they work together on the shuttle they could at this point find him falling in love with her. The boy meets girl storyline fuels the thrust of the story allowing it to unfold and develop quickly, almost a race to ready the escape before the Cardassians are ready to build their pleasure house. Your narrative flows and whilst there are points of the story which could be expanded upon and explored, for example their developing relationship during the repairs, his working with the Cardassian soldiers, etc, the flowing pace is sufficient and allows for a tight and concise story to be told.
A good solid story with a very effective POV.
I tried to show the world through alien (Cardassian) eyes to emphasise that this is not a Federation denizen and he thinks and sees things differently. I'm glad it worked.
I agree there are moments, which could have been explored (and maybe should have been explored), but unfortunately with the word limit imposed I had to make sure the necessary parts of the story were present, leaving something out.
Thanks you for reading and the review.