Date: 30 May 2013 16:50 Title: Chapter 5
Wow. Relieved of duty. Ok, so we breeze through a lot of events here. I do, really do, wish we got more from some of these scenes, that you exploited their full emotional impact and the dynamics of the persons involved. We get some great scenes but they get rushed through. It is very pared down to the nub. Admittedly, my own style is overly long and you can be very effective in this manner of getting to the kernal of the plot. However, you've a rich plot ot exploit and fantastic character outlines to be explored within those plots.
But boys, you sure know how to spin a yarn and throw so much at us at breakneck speeds albeit very clearly so and all along the plot rattles onwards like a runaway juggernaut.