Date: 02 May 2012 08:04 Title: Chapter 15
An excellent introduction into the universe of Lambda Paz. I loved the action sequencies, they were well written. Limis is a well rounded and developed character. I especially loved the fact that her former spouse was a traitor and that everyone else suspected him but she was blind. Good piece of writing.
Author's Response: Hope you enjoy the subsequent stories. And I often hear that these kinds of high-stakes stories are made stronger when making the situation more personal for one of the heroes. There's also a certain irony that while Limis divorced Arnit years ago, whatever part of her is still in love with him was awfully quick to defend him.
Date: 01 May 2012 15:21 Title: Chapter 2
An excellent introduction to some of the characters. Sisko is extremely well done, something i must commend you on. I rarely used established characters because I never feel I can do them justice, but here its as if Brooks is actually playing him. Well done!
Author's Response: Glad you enjoy the opening chapters, and my portrayal of Sisko. I figured I'd throw in one of his baseball metaphors along with the illustration that his attitude towards the Maquis and towards Eddington wasn't so black and white.
Date: 01 May 2012 14:55 Title: Prologue
This is an excellent chapter and a great setup. I love the references to "Blaze of Glory" and the marquis characters are very believable.
Date: 28 Nov 2011 08:49 Title: Chapter 15
A great story, and sets the premise up for later stories. It made me think about just how many ships the Federation had at its disposal. I don't why but I've always assumed the Federation had somewhere around 40000 ships before the Dominion war, and that number was reduced by half. I always like to think about technical details like this, and you have a knack for sorting out these tricky details as well.
Author's Response: 40K seems about right, with the assumption each fleet has about 300 ships based on the recitation of "Rode the 600" (although not sure how many different there are). That, of course, raises the question of why only 40 ships be spared against the Borg at Wolf 359.
In any case, the ending sets the tone for the Dominion War and addresses how they recovered so fast from Toros Three after the loss of that shipyard was supposedly a serious blow, yet they still often outnumbered the UFP and allies two to one.
Date: 28 Nov 2011 08:21 Title: Chapter 9
While Limis has got a few bolts loose... I have a feeling that Arnit is somehow working with the Dominion, he's lured the Lambda Paz, so that Limis will report back and say the Jem'Hadar breeding facility is lightly protected. All of this to destroy or dozen or more Starfleet ships, when they arrive to destroy the facility...
I like how much you compress into your plots, and they use a lot of elements and refer to a lot of episodes from DS9. That's pretty cool, it's also cool you throwing in the DS9 characters as well on occasion...
Author's Response: I tried early on to establish this series as a Deep Space Nine spinoff, much like the first season of DS9 featured cameo appearances by various TNG characters.
Date: 27 Nov 2011 17:12 Title: Chapter 1
Good set up, and Arnit is up to something. Is he friend or foe? I'll find out when I read some more chapters tomorrow, but right now its 01:12 in the morning and I need some sleep!
Date: 27 Nov 2011 17:07 Title: Prologue
Really good that overview. One thing I've always liked about your writing is your simple style and brisk pace. It's very minimalistic, and it is something The Edge from U2 uses when he plays guitar. You've done something similar with your writing, and yet you convey the key emotions. Nice one!
Author's Response: Always good to get new readers. I figured this kind of prologue was a nice way to establish the backstories of some of the characters. Limis has been through the Cardassian Occupation of Bajor and the Dominion's mass slaughter of the Maquis, and so is battle tested despite the relative lack of Starfleet training. Kozar, meanwhile, is the veteran officer who has captained a frigate through the Cardassian Wars and feels he's more than ready for starship, making being passed up something of deflating blow.
Date: 15 Mar 2010 15:44 Title: Chapter 7
It's kicking off! And worrying that the Jem'Hadar here are not so worried about following orders to the tee. That could make them very deadly if not just the First. Lots of tensions and mistrust still within the crew - not least of which is whether the Maquis personnel can do the job on the Starfleet vessel. Hmmm ... prickly bunch this.
Date: 15 Mar 2010 15:38 Title: Chapter 6
Oh dear. So they have indeed been spotted. This bodes not well for the crew. In addition is the very blatant overriding of the captain's orders. Mutiny may not be too far off. Not to mention the fact that Kozar may have other reasons for stopping the hunt for a changeling ...
Date: 07 Mar 2010 06:42 Title: Chapter 5
So it all seems to be a trap. And with a mystery communication as well, there is a chance that there is a traitor on board. Or certainly, someone with secrets to hide. The crew's first meeting went ok - though Limis is keen to keep to her Maquis ways. That might indeed prove to be a blessing but she may need to learn that the book is part born by experience too. That said, her judgement seems to be right so far. The first mission looks likely to be a trap and the ship's crew will have a lot of skill and luck to navigate the trouble ahead. Especially if a larger plan to lull a larger Federation force into the nebula.
Date: 07 Mar 2010 06:33 Title: Chapter 4
For that reason, he was given the role of senior chief engineer in accordance with the practice of having multiple chief engineers on new classes of starships the first year of operation. - Nice nod to the way things seemed to operate on TNG's Enterprise-D. It also makes a degree of sense - though of course it also opens up a can of worms when one applies the adage of too many cooks spoil the broth. Logan already seems to have too many cooks with his hands full with his new Maquis crewmembers. Tarlazzi in particular seems to delight in causing him mental anguish. Hee hee.
So we have some command issues to work out and Limis is very proud and not one to ask for help too easily. She's prefer to learn on the fly and on the hoof rather than look inadequate in front of crew. No foul there I suppose as it is going to take a bit to convince the crew that she should in fact be in command.
Date: 17 Nov 2009 14:54 Title: Chapter 3
Your handling of the canon characters is good. A light touch with again some little introspection, like with Jadzia reflecting on her previous command experience, that adds a bit of depth and grounds the story firmly. As for your own characters, we see that there are loyalties there that will cause many problems down the line. Limis doesn't get much of a welcoming party mind! That might be her first task as commnading officer to rewrite that policy.
Date: 17 Nov 2009 14:39 Title: Chapter 2
Again, I am liking the development of the characters here and the fact that Limis will have a little cohort of her own to back her corner. I've a feeling that we will get a kind of 'how Voyager could have / should have handled the conflict between a Maquis and a Federation crew thing' in your story and if so I'm all for it. And a Luna class vessel to boot. Not sure about the canon on that but I like the idea that it was built upon discovery of the wormhole and appropriated for the war effort. Liking this so far.
Author's Response: The class of starship Riker's Titan belonged to was never mentioned in canon. Only the Pocket Books novels gave the backstory of the Luna-class starship, the first of which officially went into service after the war.
Date: 17 Nov 2009 14:26 Title: Chapter 1
Oh what lies behind all this. From reading later stuff, I gather you like to spin a few mysteries into your story. It certainly adds a fun element to all - especially knowing that our heroes have been worngfooted. I liked the way you touched on Worf's walking a thin line between two worlds. It was simple and did not waste time but it grounded the character and the scene. As for Sisko's recommendation, I guess after the Eddington affair his eyes may have been opened a little but I still thought it a bit of a shocker that he'd put Limis' name forward for a command post. Still I can see this won't go down well with the senior staff and Kozar when they discover who their captain will be. Limis better hope that Sisko's faith in her ability to inspire loyalty lives up to the expectations because she'll need such skills.
Author's Response: Think of it as Picard suggesting Calhoun to command Excalibur in New Frontier, much to Jellico's chagrin. And Jellico later contacts Kozar for the same reason he contacted Shelby.
Date: 17 Nov 2009 14:17 Title: Prologue
An effective overview and introduction to some of our characters. It sets up some of the backstory and frames the story and characters you plan to write about.