Date: 22 Oct 2013 14:44 Title: Act One
First off, I loved the description of the shuttle like a reverse panda; now that I think about it, it's the perfect description. That was awesome. Next, her first look at the Farragut. I think we've all gotten use to these big ship reveals with all the lights on and the beauty and majesty, and here Farragut is just...almost dead. Leone picked a better descriptor, obviously, but it must have been a bit of a let down for her. She's obviously an excited new captain, so she's had this expectation of her first view of the ship, and with everything off she seems a bit sad by the let down.
And who are these two clowns in deflector control? Nothing good can come of this.
I got my first taste of Leone in Chains of Error, and then in To Triumph and Not to Mourn. It'll be neat to see these early adventures of that woman. It almost feels like when I started watching TOS after the original movies, to see where all those characters started.
Date: 28 Apr 2013 00:24 Title: Act Five
Nice, but ack - way to leave us hanging at the end! ;-)
You really ramped up the tension for those last two chapters. Can't wait to see what happens next - where they are and can they manage with the sleketon crew that was on board for the warp trials.
Excellent, Mike. It's no secret that I'm usually a TOS girl, but this really sucked me in hook, line and sinker. :D
Date: 27 Apr 2013 21:31 Title: Act Two
Nice chapter that gave a good look and feel to the captain's quarters, as well as the bridge and ready room. It was nice to see the easy friendship between Leone and Elannis, but given their rapport, I'm a bit confounded as to why Krys didn't choose Ariel as her XO. I'm sure all will be revealed in time...;-)
Despite the relaxed feel to this chapter, you were able to maintain that feeling of quiet dread that something is amiss, even if the crew doesn't realize it yet. With repairs being made to the command chair, and the view out the port of shuttles humming back and forth like a swarm of insects, I kept wanting *someone* to discover what those two from the previous chapter were up to in the deflector array room.
Date: 27 Apr 2013 21:03 Title: Act One
I liked this chapter a lot. The old friendship between Leone and Nieles feels genuine, as does the shift in the relationship as her career has taken a higher road than his.
The exchange between Leone and Tennyson seemed very formal. I can only hope a true camaraderie develops between the CO and XO - it'll make for a smoother transition for them as a command team, and help them present a united front to the crew.
Also, the banter between Belkis and Saleb was enjoyable as well - one very uptight, high-strung, the other seeking to enjoy their little escapade (although I'm sure it won't prove to be fun for the Farragut's crew) as much as the situation allows. That they're 'bad guys' is obvious, but you still imbue them with personality and character - they aren't just two-dimensional, cookie-cutter antagonists. But *who* are they, and *why* are they doing what they're doing?
Date: 27 Apr 2013 20:37 Title: Teaser
Interesting start. Just what are those two up to (well, what they're up to is obvious, but why?) and why didn't the crewman think something was amiss when he stumbled across them? Obviously they can pass for crew, or at least Fleet members. Okay, so far I'm hooked...
Date: 11 Jun 2012 22:46 Title: Act Five
Nice! Back to the teaser's present, nice little full circle! I really like this short story format because it's quite comfortable to read, as by it's nature it is fast-paced and keeps the reader's attention focused. One thing I found a bit annoying is the space between the lines, my eyes strained a bit as they are more used to one line separating a sentence, not three! Apart from that this was a fun little story to read, and I think my favourite character was Ariel as she had spice and spunk.
I also like that TNG feel because most of the other stories I read are in the DS9 or VOY period, beyond that period, or continuations (or extensions) of the series (in particular DS9). You've definitely captured Starfleet's, quote Garak, 'insufferable optimism!' Looking forward to reading the next story!
Date: 11 Jun 2012 22:35 Title: Act Four
Why do I get the feeling that poor Wilson is in for the chop? I mean Leone is all rearing to go (I've forgotten that pre-Dominion Starfleet was a much more optimistic place and it shows in this story, while in post-Dominion stories there is a lot more grimness, the people more reserved even cynical) but will bad events temper her enthusiasm (like Wilson dying; I just have this feeling you know)? Who knows but I will be interested to see how Leone's mettle will hold!
Date: 11 Jun 2012 22:26 Title: Act Three
Saleb and Belkis are horrible to each other! I can't really tell if they're friends, close colleagues or working partners out of convenience. Still you have a knack for creating rather distinctive characters through very minimalistic ways, so kudos to the sharp dialogue, which it seems on many an occasion is the only thing propelling the story forwards!
Date: 11 Jun 2012 22:19 Title: Act Two
So Leone's a mum and married. Crikey that's a difficult arrangement with her being Starfleet captain! I really dig Ariel, she is awful and tacky but in a strangely funny way... You also seem to know the names, definitions and trivia of Starfleet ships inside out... I wish I had such knowledge...
Date: 11 Jun 2012 21:49 Title: Act One
"Rob, where are you bunking me?"
Ho ho! I love some of this dialogue, double entendres and all... I'm also interested by Leone's friendships in terms of how they become a bit strained (or more like less contact) due to her and her friend's changing careers. Also intrigued by what Belkis and Saleb are up to... Terrorism? Serving some agency or government? Or just dangerous rogues with an agenda?
Date: 11 Jun 2012 21:38 Title: Teaser
Making a start on you're Star Trek: Full Speed Ahead series. I am encouraged by the shortness of these stories because that means some breakneck paced adventures and some very snazzy minimalism (something which I rather like)!
Date: 24 Mar 2009 09:01 Title: Act Five
LOL. Looks like shakedown cruises are more literal for some captains and ships than they are for others. Those aliens don't look like a friendly lot, not by far. Though I suppose the next part of the series will clear exactly to which extent. ::grins::
You make great visualization there. I have a feeling as if I have indeed watched an episode, not read some text. I don't know how you do it, but words don't get in the way at all. It's uncanny. And makes the story so much more enjoyable.
Loved the crew, and the comments on the ship's design. Looking forward to more reading...
Date: 18 Mar 2009 22:00 Title: Act Two
"A captain needs to learn her ship backwards and forwards, Commander. I'd prefer to find my way around and get to know her on my own terms."
For this line alone, I admire Leone. It's about the guts and garters of the ship and crew for her.
And what a way to introduce a large than life character such as Ariel. She's a bomb in more ways than one. Awful what they did to the poor engineer who appears to have some confidence issues as is, so playing her might not be the best idea. Also not very faithbuilding if the engineer does not come across as confident. Probably more at ease with her engines than with people but still a slight worry over that.
Great dialogue and interactions between Leone and Ariel. With Ariel around, it is just as well the Captain was planning on keeping things informal. Perhaps though she needs it considering the glimpse into her private life that we garner here. Already well rounded and grounded characters being developed. Leone mostly, but Ariel justs jumps off the page [ahem screen] at you.
Date: 18 Mar 2009 21:46 Title: Act One
The prologue was a nice teaser of the action to come and this Act sets an ominious mood with the dire consequences outlined by the two mystery workers. A nice set up, especially countered with the playful banter of the two.
Really like the dialogue between Leone and her subordinates and former friends. There's a formal discipline to it but a friendly tone/edge too. The slight awkardness too between Leone and Wilson was a nice inclusion, adding some character issues that aren't melodramatic but probably wuite par the course for Federation career types.
The patter of talk about landing permissions etc also sounded very authentic but easy going too for the reader. That can actually be difficult for authors to convey with either accuracy or ease. I think you managed to do both very well.
What really impressed me about this Act though is Leone's tour over to her ship. There is obvious pride in her new charge, how she looks upon it, her close review and reading up of the progress reports and crew personnel. The scene, going over to the Farragut, is very reminescient of Kirk approaching the Enterprise.
Date: 24 Feb 2009 21:49 Title: Act One
I have to ask; Have you ever served in the military, and if not, I have to commend you on your ability to really give this story an authentic 'shipboard' feel to it...
Okay, so I like Krystine . It seems she and the shuttle pilot, Nieves, have a shared history. Is this a continuing adventure? If so can you provide a link to past episodes?
This story is almost like a backward 24. We know that something is going to happen tomorrow, but we are seeing the set up. (By the way, just to make sure, are SALEB and BELKIS from past stories as well?)
You're writing style seems very authentic and you really seem to know what you are writing about in terms of the technical side (me? I avoid it when I write)...and so it seems real. The dialog the characters are having, the good guys and the bad guys, seems natural and three-dimensinal)....
Keep it up...on to the next part...
Unfortunately, no... I have never once had the privilege of putting on a uniform and serving. However, a majority of my family are active or reservists, and my best friend is a retired Coast Guard Chief Petty Officer, who indulges me with answering my many questions about life aboard a USCGC. Also, I study and research until I feel like I have a good understanding of approximating what it might be like to serve in a 24th century version of the military.
Plus, I always felt that TNG was a little too sterile for a navy.
Krystine and Wilson Nieves have served together, but you won't see that until episode six, when I present a flashback aboard the Potemkin, with Commander Leone and Ensign Nieves. You can see them together in a future short story entitled 'Farragut' within The Quarterdeck Breed anthology series.
Saleb and Belkis are making their debut in this episode.
I appreciate your compliments to my writing style. And thank you very much for reading. :)
Date: 24 Feb 2009 17:03 Title: Teaser
Okay, very covert start to the story. Obviously these two are up to no good and a day later the crew of the Farragut will, apparently, be caught up in it.
What is a Kansai? I probably should know, but I can't recall who they are. Have we seen them before in a star trek episode?
Anyway, great start. I'm going to read one. The mystery had baited me enough and it will be interesting to see where it leads us; the readers.
You find out more about the Kasai (Kansai is a dialect of Japanese, but I didn't put an "n" in there). :) They're a new race, developed specifically for FSA.
Thanks for reading. :)