Date: 19 Jul 2014 21:20 Title: Chapter 1
Well gatekeeper that was a strong opening chapter, which throws up a lot of questions to hook the reader and yet you do your usual fine job of capturing the character of the core TOS Crew. Plus ending with Spock private problem showing is a good narrative idea.
Date: 19 Jul 2014 02:20 Title: Chapter 1
Another Scotty story! Yay! I can see Scotty clearly portrayed here as if I were actually watching an episode of TOS. I can see he's very worried about Captain Kirk, but at the same time wants to go to his quarters to change into a fresh uniform, to look presentable. Very good first chapter, you got everyones mannerisms just right.
Thanks for sharing this.
Date: 05 Apr 2014 01:26 Title: Chapter 20
Very satisfying ending. It read like an episode of TOS. It was a very nice touch to have Kirk feeling guilt, and confusion, when he was clearly the victim. All in all a great piece, and I can't wait to see more of Dar Thavalan in the future.
Date: 05 Apr 2014 01:00 Title: Chapter 18
Good to see Kirk back to his old self somewhat. This 'alien,' presence, being - whatever it is - seems pretty determined, but then so does Dar.
Just a few more pieces to fall into place, and the puzzle will be complete.
Date: 04 Apr 2014 18:54 Title: Chapter 16
I love the meld and the intrusion into Kirk's thoughts portrayed in this chapter. Spock senses and discovers the 'concrete' barrier and immediately understands the danger it represents.
Kirk's thoughts are more chaotic and jumbled, but we sense that same fear of imminent danger, we sense Kirk's desperate bid to resist whatever it is he is being compelled to do, and his resignation to Fate as he gradually loses the fight.
On the edge of my seat now...
Date: 04 Apr 2014 18:32 Title: Chapter 15
Yowza. I must admit, I saw that coming, but it still hit hard.
And somehow, I can't help but think that the catchphrase is a trigger for Kirk to harm Spock in some way. This would validate my suspicions of earlier as to the identity of the person who perpetrated, or the identity of the person behind, Kirk's torture from earlier.
Date: 04 Apr 2014 17:52 Title: Chapter 13
This chapter provided more questions than answers. Off to read the next, in the hope that the murky waters will start to clear a bit. ;-)
BTW, I am really liking Dar - she is proving to be a strong, intelligent and sensitive character and friend.
Date: 04 Apr 2014 17:44 Title: Chapter 12
Another excellent chapter. I loved that Ruggiero found it necessary to apologize to Spock, and in typical Spockian fashion, Spock brushed off the apology, preferring instead to focus on the issue at hand.
McCoy was also particularly good in this chapter, and his dialogue and actions all felt right, and true, as did Kirk's.
I don't know anything about Dar Thavalan - whether she has featured in your prior works, or is an OC created just for this story - but she definitely intrigues.
And what the hell is wrong with Spock? This is driving me crazy!
Author's Response: Aww. Thank you. Dar Thavalan is an OC I created for the story What Dreams May Come, which was written before this one, but hasn't all been posted on the archive yet. People will see a different side of her in that story. Thanks for the review.
Date: 04 Apr 2014 17:16 Title: Chapter 11
This was an incredible chapter!
I did absolutely love the descriptions - of Kirk and how Ruggiero was able to discern much about him by observing him even in sleep, and about the internal fire of the crew - when properly channeled it's why they were the best crew in the fleet.
I also love the look into McCoy's personality here - how his fear manifests as anger, and the fear stems from love. And this line was just classic McCoy: "It happens that way, sometimes. Birth and death are simple, really. It is the space between that is complicated." These were all spot-on observations, presented in beautifully written prose.
Scotty's story was both mesmerizing and frightening, and again, I think you've gotten to the core of the character, and explained his unique personality and how he fits in with the rest of the crew. Exceptional job!
I know you wrote and posted this piecemeal, and I'm seeing you blossom as an author right before my eyes, the style and tenor of the piece improving with each subsequent chapter. Bravo madam. :-)
Date: 04 Apr 2014 02:49 Title: Chapter 10
This is definitely shaping up to be quite a mystery. I must confess, I had my doubts about 'him.' Nice to see they were confirmed. I have a few questions as to his behavior, but I'll keep them to myself for now, so as to avoid spoilers. :-)
Author's Response: Thank you for reading, and for all of the reviews. You know you can PM if you want answers to your questions now.
Date: 04 Apr 2014 02:16 Title: Chapter 9
I like the Spock we saw here - more at ease with his human half, and more willing to give in to it at times, like we saw in the later movies ("If I were human, I believe my response would be 'Go to Hell,'...if I were human.").
I also like the delicate way the special bond between Kirk and Spock was portrayed here - not so much with words, but with actions. And I must admit, I'm a sucker for Giotto - I've been known to use him frequently in my own works, and have often wondered why they didn't make use of the character in the series, beyond his sole appearance in 'The Devil in the Dark.'
Date: 04 Apr 2014 01:19 Title: Chapter 8
This is great insight into Kirk, and what it is that makes him a unique individual. I liked, too the description of McCoy's 'doctor sleep' - it's exactly how a medical professional would behave when monitoring a sick patient, and reminiscent of the twilight sleep parents engage in when dealing with a sick child.
I like, too that McCoy still implants the modified transponder. Quite astutely, he understands that this is not the end, but rather just the beginning of the ordeal.
Date: 03 Apr 2014 22:57 Title: Chapter 7
That was a very interesting and unexpected development. What will the three senior officers do now? I can't believe they won't try to find those who are responsible for what happened to Kirk, and try to ascertain the fate of the remaining crewmembers who were on the shuttle with Kirk.
Does this somehow involve those ten men who operate Outpost Three, or will they be absolved of all responsibility now? And what, if anything will Kirk be able to contribute? Will a mind meld help, not only with solving this mystery, but restoring some sense of sanity to their captain? And is Spock well enough to do it? We still don't know what's wrong with him, or what was wrong with Scotty for that matter. The plot thickens...
Date: 03 Apr 2014 22:33 Title: Chapter 6
That totally threw me for a loop. I was wondering if I backtracked in the story somehow. Leave it to our intrepid captain to figure out a way to communicate what is happening, and hope that his friends can figure out how to rescue him based on these images he is sending to Spock via the link. Totally intrigued by this catchphrase, and what it will trigger Kirk to do in the future.
Date: 03 Apr 2014 22:24 Title: Chapter 5
I love Scotty's take-charge - and take no prisoners - attitude here. Again, though, I'm curious about Jefferson - was he on the shuttle that crashed with Kirk? If so, that would explain Scotty's quick action and desire to get to the bottom of what was going on. If he was a member of a landing party, was it to Outpost Three? If so, why would they have beamed down there? If not, then to what planet, and why? How long ago, and wouldn't someone in the crew have noticed that he was missing - the head of the landing party, his department head, roommate, girlfriend - someone? Starting to wonder now if the entire crew is suffering from hallucinations...
Date: 03 Apr 2014 22:02 Title: Chapter 4
Okay, not who I thought it was - at least I think so. I'm starting to wonder if the strange female has something - pheremones, a substance in her sweat, etc. - that is causing these 'hallucinations' for Kirk. Spock seemed convinced that he was being tortured, but I don't get that vibe here, unless these aliens have a radically different definition of torture.
And Pon Farr but not Pon Farr. Just what is wrong with Spock - residual effects of the mental connection to Kirk, or is it somehow linked to Scotty's problem?
Date: 03 Apr 2014 21:50 Title: Chapter 3
Well, that's definitely not good, on several fronts. Just curious as to where the ship is - are they out searching for Kirk, docked at a Starbase and undergoing repairs from the events alluded to in chapter one, carrying out a routine mission? I'm just trying to get a feel for what's going on.
I do like the fact that both Spock and Scott are modifying/fabricating equipment to help them in their search, snd Spock's rather unorthodox method for testing the psycho-tricorder he is working on. Loved the line about McCoy's memories of the camping trip in Yosemite not being accurate - so very Spockian. How on earth did those two ever survive when they were sharing consciousness together in SFS? One of the great mysteries of the cosmos...;-)
Author's Response: Routine mission, undergoing repairs...
Date: 03 Apr 2014 21:33 Title: Chapter 2
I already have my suspicions about the identity of the unknown woman, and why she might want to exact revenge on Kirk, or even on Spock via Kirk.
Again, I very much enjoyed the confused jumble that were Kirk's thought processes. It seemed very believable and very in character for him to be upset by his own fear, and relieved that he had not screamed out loud.
My only question is how overdue is Kirk for his check-in? Were others with him or was he alone, and where was he/were they? To my mind, nothing short of a supernova could blast Kirk away from his ship after the events portrayed in the first chapter, although I suspect there is some 'logical' explanation for his absence. ;-)
Author's Response: In my mind, when I was writing it, Kirk was already away from the ship when the events in Chapter 1 took place, and so, he would be coming back to dealing with the aftermath, except he has missed his check-in, which puts more on the other officers because they are wondering what's up. I'll be sure to make that more clear next time :-) Thanks for reading, and for the review.
Date: 03 Apr 2014 21:15 Title: Chapter 1
Rereading this now that it's complete (you already know why I don't like reading WIP's) and I'll stand by my earlier assessment - this is gonna be a fun and interesting ride. Classic TOS - which is definitely what I love. Can't wait to find out what the heck is going on.
Date: 01 Jun 2013 03:11 Title: Chapter 3
Ah, now we'll see if my speculation was correct...
Good chapter here - setting up the equipment they will need to locate Kirk and attempt a rescue. I sure hope McCoy can sort out what's wrong with Scotty, though - they can't afford to not have him operating on all thrusters, too.
Date: 01 Jun 2013 03:01 Title: Chapter 2
I am really, really loving this. My 'fanon' presupposes the existence of a mind link between Kirk and Spock as well, so this fits quite nicely with my vision of the characters.
BTW, loved the description of the kaleidoscope of spinning colors and comparing it to a merry-go-round at the beginning. You could feel the disorientation, the slight nausea and uncertainty induced by that. And I love that Kirk was fighting for control in the midst of all of this - not knowing where he was or even who he was, but wanting to remain strong and in control nevertheless. So very Kirkian, and you captured that beautifully.
Date: 01 Jun 2013 02:47 Title: Chapter 1
Great start! As someone who is a huge TOS fan, the characterizations and descriptions seem spot-on. But what happened to the ship? Why is Scotty injured, and only a black hole could have sucked Kirk off the bridge of his ship when picking up the pieces after a crisis. That, or someone higher up the chain of command.
I already have an inkling as to what's wrong with Spock, and I have a feeling Kirk suspected it, too - thus putting Scotty in command. It would surely explain why Spock is willing to leave, and unwilling to assume command with the captain missing in action. McCoy must be dog-tired if he missed these clues...;-)