Date: 16 Jun 2013 07:13 Title: Chapter 2
Ok, so we get to meet a few characters mentioned in the first chapter and expand some more on Nizeri. The focus remains largely on those lower deck characters and people chatting about the bigger guns. I really like that perspective in stories and the almost gossipy feel of the interchange between Nizeri and Wirstowx is charming, feels natural and is a neat way to provide some exposition in a very natural and readable manner.
You do some other info dumps here aside from the captain's drilling the crew such as explaining Wirstowx's orgins and explaining Elaina's traits. All done in a very well done fashion for as much as it is info dump it isn't contrived, it doesn't break the narrative flow and again feels natural - just enough information given to give us a feel for the character and species without it being a Memory Alpha blurb. Very well managed. The fact you can bring characters/aliens and settings from the STO universe and settle it in to new readers unfamilar with that universe is quite a skill and of course quite necessary for your story so kudos for your handling of it.
Back to the charming nature and natural feel of things, I love your dialogue, the banter and interaction between characters setting up personalities or situations via the dialogue. And of course with interchanges such as:
“You’re doing it again, Nizeri.”
“Theorizing as to why I don’t have a nose.”
The whole thing is full of win. And again, we have the foreboding little elements all building towards something horrible. Nice and slow build up for the reader and meantime, our guys are largely unaware of what fate awaits them.
Date: 30 May 2012 02:18 Title: Chapter 2
You've got quite the ecclectic crew aboard this ship! It seems that the captain is preparing for the worst-case scenario, though the crew hasn't been let in on precisely what that might be just yet.
The Braidan implants are handy gadgets to have, though I can see where anti-Borg paranoia would lead to some unflattering comparisons by other less cyber-friendly species.