Date: 16 Jun 2013 14:38 Title: Two Weeks Later
She knew she wasn't the first or the last junior officer to leave the battle with an early command, but she certainly felt the least qualified.
It would be easy to think this a story where the impossible of a junior officer ends up with the command of a ship. But you have caveats in here that make the incredulous of that situation less incredulous. First, is the fact it is until someone else can take over - yes the probability is that there won't be some one else but it is still a distinction amid the loss of life and the threat facing the Federation currently. But I like the fact that it is here St. Peter's own call that she feels herself to be the least qualified. It seems she will quickly have to adjust and quickly have to prove herself to herself. I think I will look forward to that challenge being met.
Date: 16 Jun 2013 14:30 Title: Chapter 9
St. Peter steps up to the plate. She did good. She had to. But I have a feeling that the reprecussions are only to be met down the line. Kudos to St. Peter and I like the natural sense of how the responsibility of taking the shots came down to her. She didn't seek it out, she didn't want to become a hero, she didn't shirk the responsibility - she just did what needed to be done in the moment.
Date: 16 Jun 2013 13:19 Title: Chapter 8
And damn ... this is the storm.
As soon as the identity was revealled to be the Borg they all knew that their number was in all probability up. I like that the Borg had disappeared and considered in the threat possibilities until the last moment. And then the fact they can devastate a fleet of seven ships and a station and take on a new fleet shows just how brutal and relentless the Borg can be. Great to see from the first experience here of the Borg being treated a truly credible threat.
And damn, for the ship and crew things got bad real quick. A brutal assault and all that remains of the senior crew must assemble in Engineering. I think a stark reality is about to be delivered to all.
Date: 16 Jun 2013 13:12 Title: Chapter 7
Ok, so this is reality now biting. St. Peter has gotten a hell of a blow there with the captain's announcement but things are sure only to get worse. And still despite the shift into a higher gear here we are still getting teased about the enemy's identity and keep wanting to turn the page.
And now I should comment on the sheer clip and pace of the story. You put in lots of build up with lots of character stuff too and yet all the time there is a sense of the story brewing and building towards something bigger and darker. Not just Jessica who could be called stormy the story and the way the writer builds it is like a growing storm. I think now is when we worry to batten down the hatches.
Date: 16 Jun 2013 10:13 Title: Chapter 6
Oh nos. The start shows something massive and really bad is happening and still our guys are not in the loop and their fate awaits still unknown. Man you are teasing us like hell waiting for the climax.
In the meantime, we get some terrific character stuff. Liking the build up of history for Jessica and her friends and the complex nature of the friendship. It can't have been easy to see her two best friends hook up. Sure she had to feel like a third wheel. If that wasn't the reason for going to Rafale I wonder what was or what reason has she convinced herself of.
Date: 16 Jun 2013 08:08 Title: Chapter 5
Neato concept of the shared/linked holodecks. Very current world tech juxaposed onto Trek tech. Neat.
Nice switch of tones here. Back to the friendly and happy. The change in pace keeps us on our toes. Also like the way the consequences of medical injuries is played out. There's still healing and recupperation to be done despite the 'magic' of 24th century medicine.
Date: 16 Jun 2013 08:02 Title: Chapter 4
That was a fairly (no mightily) intense battle scene. All within the confines of the bridge - as in you kept the action and POV to those on the bridge and the surely claustrophobic feeling one would get in that situation, your world view narrowing down to the screens and information in front of you masked by smoke, fumes and noise and melted plastic and chaos and restrained panic or fear. When you probably wish for sight and vision of the bigger scene yet necessity means focus on the small. Very well done.
And after the Merveille's short quick affair in the previous chapter where Justine never even got to finishing prep of the sickbay before things were over we are walloped with a big ole blasted to hell scene here. No let up. No quick victory or easy win. This si going to be hard and brutal. Nicely played. From the build up to making me think the horror was first going to befall the Merveille. The rug got pulled on me.
Date: 16 Jun 2013 07:49 Title: Chapter 3
Ok, I love you for the OPs console scene. Cos, well I love stuff like that. I've written something akin to that though I was remiss on the vital element of personnel manning the stations. Now that you've written it so it seems so damned obvious and I'm kicking myself. (Grrrrrrrr!!!) From that you should take a complient that reading your take makes me mad because you throw in wonderous little details and thoughts about the working of the ship that brings the whole thing alive. I love it.
Then back to Vega - it seems something peculiar is happening. I rather believe our enemy is trying to gather intel on Starfleet by launching unmanned probes and testing the response and tactical strength. A very bad feeling is growing in the pit of the stomach as to the ultimate end for Justine and the Merville. Again, really loving the build up to this.
Date: 16 Jun 2013 07:13 Title: Chapter 2
Ok, so we get to meet a few characters mentioned in the first chapter and expand some more on Nizeri. The focus remains largely on those lower deck characters and people chatting about the bigger guns. I really like that perspective in stories and the almost gossipy feel of the interchange between Nizeri and Wirstowx is charming, feels natural and is a neat way to provide some exposition in a very natural and readable manner.
You do some other info dumps here aside from the captain's drilling the crew such as explaining Wirstowx's orgins and explaining Elaina's traits. All done in a very well done fashion for as much as it is info dump it isn't contrived, it doesn't break the narrative flow and again feels natural - just enough information given to give us a feel for the character and species without it being a Memory Alpha blurb. Very well managed. The fact you can bring characters/aliens and settings from the STO universe and settle it in to new readers unfamilar with that universe is quite a skill and of course quite necessary for your story so kudos for your handling of it.
Back to the charming nature and natural feel of things, I love your dialogue, the banter and interaction between characters setting up personalities or situations via the dialogue. And of course with interchanges such as:
“You’re doing it again, Nizeri.”
“Theorizing as to why I don’t have a nose.”
The whole thing is full of win. And again, we have the foreboding little elements all building towards something horrible. Nice and slow build up for the reader and meantime, our guys are largely unaware of what fate awaits them.
Date: 16 Jun 2013 07:00 Title: Chapter 1
What an unusual way to introduce a story and a character. However, it gives a nice leisurely introduction to Jessica and already has the reader warming up to her, having a touch of loyalty already to this cheery, chipper gal who is having to play on the lower rung of the science department. But it seems she is not her only friend or ensign playing such a part in the fleet. It might well be universal to get handed the raw deal. No wonder they miss the Academy (how very true - you miss college because friends could just get together and hang out).
You give a nice lower decks vibe to the proceedings as well as give a picture of the larger fleet and some of the behind the scenes stuff that goes on a ship. For example, the guys on the bridge getting all the screen time calling down to the unsung heroes for the information that makes them look good.
And of course, the weird contact thing is bound to be trouble so despite the warm and fuzzy one gets the impression that there is something in the offing.
Date: 19 Oct 2012 09:27 Title: Chapter 1
A very good story in that stuck to the perspective of the 'lower decks', plus what glimpses there were of the Borg you nailed them. You also brought in some interesting situations like Seurer being completely out of her element and thus someone of lower ranking taking charge (that being Jessica). What I like about it is how Jessica, with no command experience, simply followed her heart to protect the Merveille and her two friends. While Seurer was also following her heart but fear got the best of her. A very clever little contrast indeed.
My own complaint with the story was that Jessica, Bridget and Justine sometimes seemed a bit too emotional or a bit too relaxed about things. I guess that can be explained away by youthful exuberance and lack of experience.
Still despite this, I would give this story 4.5 stars out of five if the old staring system still remained on this site.
So nice one for packing in so much with a story less than 20000 words! A rather engaging story indeed...
Date: 06 Oct 2012 22:35 Title: Two Weeks Later
Yikes: she got promoted and left with overseeing the repair of her ship as well as the putting back together of her friend. What a horrid series of events and yet it's so RIPE with story telling possibilties. I've enjoyed Jessica's little tale so far. Looking forward to more.
Date: 06 Oct 2012 22:31 Title: Chapter 10
Man ... that was messy. Bridget dying was sad and the pain felt by both Justine and Jessica was as real as it gets. Great job describing the scene (all that blood-I approve wholeheartedly).
Now ... how does Jessica move on?
Date: 06 Oct 2012 22:26 Title: Chapter 9
Hell yeah! Ironic that the USS Wolf 359 would save the day but awesome stuff. Jess stepped up and owned in a big moment, while saving her friends and hundreds of people she doesn't know.
I wonder how this lowly science officer is going to be treated now that she's accumulated so much street (or space) cred? Should be fun.
Date: 06 Oct 2012 22:06 Title: Chapter 6
So, there was a thing with Jessica and Bridget? That explains some of the reason why she's on the Rafale but not all of it ... what are these other reasons? Who is sending these ships after Starfleet vessels?
Questions, questions. I'm looking forward to the answers.
Date: 06 Oct 2012 22:02 Title: Chapter 5
Why would they enter into a relationship that would produce nothing to show for the effort beyond their affection?
Ah, a question that made me smile. The answer, love, is the correct one but I feel Jessica is just scratching the surface there. The interactions with Bridget and Justine were both fun but it seems Jessica is getting the short end of the stick on this trip ... I wonder why she took the assignment on the Rafale? Hmm.
Date: 30 Jun 2012 02:11 Title: Two Weeks Later
Jess has certainly earned her spurs, and given the recent attrition in Starfleet's command ranks, she's likely to keep them. She's sure to discover command isn't easy, and can be terribly alienating, most especially for someone who was such a social butterfly.