Date: 04 Apr 2012 13:34 Title: Part Seven
Ha! Teague certainly likes to make wild gambits by setting the ship up as bait. And given that Amara calls him on it, it seems he has a history in doing this kind of thing. Really liked the dynamics between Amara and Teague. Very interesting. As is the whole situation that is brewing. Yipes. This could all go badly wrong. Super job.
Date: 04 Apr 2012 13:04 Title: Part Six
Oh dear, the dreaded room mate scenario, when you close your eyes and pray for someone decent. Not sure yet how things will pan out for Tegan and Sarria but it could prove difficult in the beginning. Again, I like how this sets the scene and gives a true impression of being cooped up on a starship with limited room.
Date: 04 Apr 2012 13:00 Title: Part Five
And so it begins. A less than official and pomp ceremony but I think this line from the captain: "Only a call for help, and a duty to perform" is all that is needed to stir the hearts of the crew. A very good overview of the main characters. You introduce them with scant detail, but everything is telling and sets up the personnel clearly with no beating around the bush but neither is it beating us over the head with bio blurbs. Instead, the captain's impressions give a good overview of the characters and promises the reader an interesting crew to read about.
Date: 04 Apr 2012 12:49 Title: Part Four
Oh. Quite a sinister set up you lay out for us here. There is definite trouble lurking for the crew. What lies behind it remains to be seen but the fact that the ship is being rushed out, along with others of the Defence Force, is an ominous sign. It also sounds almost as if the Pathfinder is being set up itself up as bait. *Gulp*
The story is flying along. I marvel at your ability to get so much written in such a short space. Yet we're not crimping on any important details and aare still getting lots of bits and bobs about the characters. Lorcan we see is a war hero and a loving father. Very good. It impresses me when I see a good story being told so well and with such economy of words yet with all the setting and character points covered. *thumbs up*
Date: 04 Apr 2012 12:40 Title: Part Three
What an abrupt introduction to T'Vril! Ha! I like it. It seems to bespeak something of her personality. It also adds soemthing of the Vulcan to her and a certain intriguing factor too.
The approach to the Pathfinder was great. It evoked the whole TMP Enterprise from spacedock view that Kirk got with Scotty. Throw in the very neat details of the ship design and its lineage it is a very astute way to introduce the ship, set its technological prowress and set the story in its setting too. Nicely done.
I also loved the details about the construction pods with her art work, hearing about Tegan's early Boomer career and the feel for controlling her own ship. All done in a very naturalistic manner, yet helping to flesh the world and character of Tegan.
Now the mystery (other than our Vulcan friend) is what has accelerated the ship's departure time? Something must be up. Never a good sign for any ship that has to leave drydock early. (It just tends to bode ill)
Date: 04 Apr 2012 12:27 Title: Part Two
Hee, hee. I loved this introduction to Tegan when I first read it and I love it just as much here. I like the earthy feel to the character and I like the fact that she seems like she's a boomer girl, young with lots of life experience aboard ships. She knows the practicalities of serving on a ship - just maybe not the protocol! LOL!
I love, love, the idea behind rebound and the game rules. It lends itself very much to the setting of the ENT era somehow. It gives a certain wild west feel to the proceedings as well as utilising the whole in space scenario of Trek grounding it (forgiving the bad unintentional play on puns) in the future of artifical gravity.
Date: 04 Apr 2012 12:00 Title: Part One
Excellent opening jerriecan. We get aquainted with Beaumont and learn that she has a chip in her brain but it seems not on her shoulder. Nevertheless, it will prove interesting to see how this new technology will work out for her in the story ahead. Given the ENT era setting, it just makes this piece of technology seem all the more liable to be trouble and frightening.
The opener evoked a sense of submarine warfare, with the depth charges and the lack of sensor readings, going by gut and hunches based on the little information they have. Very strong opener.
Date: 27 Mar 2012 23:30 Title: Part One
Great writing! You are very good at setting the scene and with your descriptions. When Beaumont first saw the Pathfinder, I could see it too. As the reader I had a clear image of what you were writing about, which is what all writers try and achieve, so well done.
Date: 25 Mar 2012 19:55 Title: Part Eleven
Nice ending! So either the bad guys are now the good guys or they remain as bad guys... Whatever, good story, and if this site's rating system was up I would give this a 4.5 stars. I really like these characters, especially Beaumont, she is really interesting... And Teague has some brains to...
Date: 25 Mar 2012 19:38 Title: Part Eight
Very interesting stuff about keeping the Federation unified. I know the Vulcans and Andorians will distrust each other for a long time, but I like how you highlight the fact that it is even harder keeping the Federation together than it is to form it. As I said above, very interesting stuff...
Date: 24 Mar 2012 09:36 Title: Part Four
I like this story! It's fast-paced with the character introductions, and I really dig that picture of the main crew. Your descriptions of the characters almost match the actual pictures, so that is cool. Another thing I noticed is there is an exact balance between the male and female main characters; I have a thing for strong female characters, and this Beaumont lady really intrigues me with her partially bionic brain.
Author's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far! I hadn't exactly considered the male/female balance, but I definitely wanted to create strong female characters. Hopefully they'll all stand out for you as the series progresses. Thank you for reading, and for taking the time to review. It means a lot to me.