Date: 20 Aug 2013 22:58 Title: Atlas
Now this is perfect. You hit an amazing stride with world building, introspection and interaction. You let us get to know Jay from inside his skull and through his choices and motions. You drew me right in and kept me there. A great little short story.
I'm wondering some if it's just in the dialogue heavy pieces where I'm having more trouble being taken in. You did scenery painting and percision so well here while sacrifing none of the motion or art of it, where your larger cast pieces seem almost frantic.
Any which way, this one is quite a treat.
I love Jay and he gets no back story whatsoever in canon. For me, his story imperfectly and unevenly parallels Doug's.
Thank you for your observations re my longer and dialogue-heavy pieces. Hmm. Things for me to think about.