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Reviewer: FalseBill Signed [Report This]
Date: 29 Sep 2013 11:44 Title: The Tribe

Talk of an eventful trip home after day one.
Glad you show that even in the future they’re is still Public Transport problems. It was interesting to see how the people of maglev car number 42753 tribe reacted, from running to the next carriage, to conducting the driver to see if a doctor can be found, to timing contractions.

Good old fashion story by Mary to distract and comfort Penda while they await for the train to get to the next station. Plus you do show it from his Mum that Malcolm get his kind heart and it was sweet of her to offer if she want someone to go with Penda to the Hospital.

Another top story.

Author's Response:


Oh, you're very kind. I liked the idea of the train to the woman to the fleeing passengers to the timing to eventually her being put on a stretcher to Mary getting home.

Thank you for reading.

Reviewer: SLWalker Signed [Report This]
Date: 21 Aug 2013 02:16 Title: The Tribe

Show. Show. Show.

However, I also really loved the little message here, as well as the way their lives all intersected and then split again, converging and diverging. Long after this, they'll all remember this one moment in time even if they never see one another again.

Author's Response:

I think contextually, the pattern starts to get clearer, of the things I need to work on. I know I can do characters and dialogue well. Scene settings can be done well, too, but when I rush them, they can often go off the rails.

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