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Reviewer: TemplarSora Signed [Report This]
Date: 27 Sep 2013 19:48 Title: Brown


Ok, whoever added the picture of the mouse at the bottom...great sense of humor.

And that was hilarious. I like it started comparing both Hoshi and the mouse...and then just following the mouse on it's own little adventure in the background of your MU universe. And, I know there's that saying about a woman's scorn...but I love how Aidan and Chip get back at her in such a devious, passive, silent way. That was pretty awesome; high fives all around!

Author's Response:

Aw, thank you!

The mouse family exists at least as long as Hoshi does, at least in my fanon. Every now and then in the MU stories, there's someone or other stepping over a mouse, or some shadow skitters by.

Thanks for reading.

Reviewer: SLWalker Signed [Report This]
Date: 21 Aug 2013 20:04 Title: Brown

Ha! I love the mouse's point of view. Pretty good descriptive work here. I like that she survived, and that it was Sato's own ego that basically gave her and her offspring the chance to, since she pissed off the men she sent to do it, too.

In response to your teacher who taught you to cut until it bleeds... no. One of my favorite quotes about editing is this, from Plotnik: "You write to communicate to the hearts and minds of others what’s burning inside you. And we edit to let the fire show through the smoke."

Given that we're our own editors often, we end up putting on both hats or neither hat. But the basic idea is the same: Write to communicate, write to show me what it is I need to see. And edit enough that the picture becomes clear. I'm definitely a fan of lean prose, but lean and sparse are two different beasts. Maclean is the ultimate master of lean prose, but his is lean like poetry, not lean like having been bled out.

Author's Response:

Well ... this particular teacher taught me other things. I don't to throw the baby out. But I do understand what you mean.

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