Date: 07 Dec 2011 07:35 Title: Chapter 1
Wow Ln X - this was a gripping, moving piece. In fact, it dredged up powerful (and painful) memories of my time with my father during his final hours. It actually brought tears to my eyes in a few spots. Makes me wonder if you were drawing on personal experience, so true to life did it seem.
Again, not being all that familiar with the characters was not a hindrance here - their feelings and struggle to cope with their loss and grief resonated beautifully. This piece definitely struck a chord with me - fantastic job.
Author's Response: Yeah thanks. Having never seen someone I love, or care for, on their deathbed, I basically extrapolated from deathbed scenes in movies, and worked out the precise emotions and the dialogue. I was worried that I wouldn't get it all right: describing old age, emotions after losing someone and more. 'true to life' that's probably the best compliment you can give me, because that is the biggest worry I have for writing stories; making sure the character actions/reactions seem realistic.
Date: 06 Dec 2011 14:00 Title: Chapter 1
Right, that was a little surreal for I'm a little confused as to whether this was an Orb vision or not. If it is then it really nailed the surreal, unsure footing of such an experience, especially if played out over such a long time (and of course begs the question of why the Prophets would have Odo undergo such a vision).
Odo is a character who it is hard to show facing his own martality given the unknowns of his lifespan, similar to Data for example. But what you effectively reached for was the exploration for him of Kira's mortality and the defining moment and horrible moment it would be for Odo to try to come to terms with it. To accept it and to understand a way of living on without her, especially after such a long lifetime together. Well done on that count for tackling such a difficult concept.
Now, I have to question the insertion of the author notes through the story. They really jolted me out of the story and threw me for a hoop. I don't think all of them were necessary, such as explaining Odod can see different spectrums of light, or were required because I doubt whether people would have questioned the presence/absence of extended family. I rather think such notes would have been better placed at the end of the story or if you felt important to place at the time, then divide the story into chapters with the footnotes at the bottom of the chapters. Otherwise, it served to break the flow of the story for the reader. Just a thought, especially given it was a piece building up the sense of forboding loss and grief.
Author's Response: Yeah I've sorted out the author's notes, they're at the bottom of the story. Sorry about that, but I'm obsessed with attention to detail. I'm glad you felt a bit surreal and confused, this story is designed to do that. I'm also glad you liked the character study of Odo.
Date: 29 Nov 2011 14:31 Title: Chapter 1
Quite an emotional tale, especially considering Odo's predicament of outliving not just his children, but his grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great-grandchildren. The narrative addresses all the emotions involved very nicely, reminiscent of when Data was faced with the possibly of his pending death and then his actual death bringing him closer to being human. I can surely identify with the feelings of watching a loved one fade away, knowing that person's death is inevitable, but not knowing when exactly they would expire. Kira seemed determined to hold on until the big centennial much like my grandmother seemed determined to fight to the last breath.
Author's Response: This was a real blast for me to write, but it got tricky at times, because it was a snapsnot into Odo's life, and there so many elements to it: his family, the home, the things Odo remembered about the past. I glad you liked this story because it is an extract, or more like a teaser, of a story coming four months from now called Nothing Lasts Forever. This is a story that I've been dying to write ever since I devised the plot two years ago.
Date: 22 Nov 2011 15:02 Title: Chapter 1
I think this challenge brought out a lot of sadness in our writers - and I can see where things would be different with Odo, that his emotions might not necessarily correspond perfectly to a human's. For people who have lost a mate - despite what they may have said to others about carrying on, etc., it can go on for a long time, the grief. Odo is right when he says it's like no other kind of loss. Nicely done.
Author's Response: Thanks a lot. This story was so difficult to write because I had too describe so much; the house, the family, some backstory, and make it all flow. Even harder was writing about Kira as this very old women; frail, weak, close to death, but yet still retaining the character traits of the younger Kira Nerys. But it was good fun thinking about it all!