Date: 31 Jan 2013 17:28 Title: Chapter 7
Yay, Dan gets some love (from Wicka and a few backhanded compliments). Good to see the ship and crew pulling together in this time of need, though things look grim if they can't get to the Crimson Queen's dimension. Even if they do, the ship still has no one to communicate with it ... who's gonna step up? Looking forward to more.
Date: 28 Jan 2013 22:55 Title: Chapter 5
Again, poor Dan. Even his captain doesn't cut him slack!
Speaking of the captain, he's going to save the universe? I don't know about that. I like Oath though (awesome name) so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. The Spider Queen looks like nasty business though ... should be fun seeing what goes down.
Date: 28 Jan 2013 22:42 Title: Chapter 3
Poor Dan. Kave's probably right though, the dude seems to nice to work security. It's why I never bought Neelix as a security officer in Voyager ... there needs to be a certain toughness there. Maybe Dan has it but I don't see it yet.
Still, Kave doesn't need to be such a dick about it.
Date: 11 Mar 2012 13:29 Title: Chapter 5
Wow! This is so discriptive it's like a mental acid trip! This goes beyond Star Trek, but that is a good thing, it like some sort of crazy cross between Narnia and LOTR. Things were so crazy and weird that it just sought of sucked me in...
Date: 10 Jan 2012 16:52 Title: Prologue
You said something, I think, about keeping writing if people reviewed your work. Well keep writing! You've got a good thing going here, and sometimes people don't always review stories, even when they are brilliant. I don't know what your state is regarding the chapters of this story you have not published yet, but don't let other people's silence put you off!
You've got a good, intriguing story, and I don't want to see it this incomplete!
Date: 17 Nov 2011 15:33 Title: Chapter 3
Ah, now it makes sense why he's called Pots (that had been confusing earlier).
Ha, I have a Chef in my stories as well. I like how they are very good for helping readers relate to a crew.
Author's Response: I thought it made sense as a nickname for the ship's cook! :) I hadn't really thought of Danterian as being a way to relate to the crew - you'll see that he has quite an extensive plotline throughout the series - in fact you could say he's the main character. Still, I hope he does also serve as a way in to this crew for the reader. Thanks again for the comments!
Date: 16 Nov 2011 15:59 Title: Chapter 1
I'm a little confused here... With these darklings do they attack just the Phoenix crew or everything and one next to them, if the darklings catch up the Phoenix? Also is Esala a Vulcan?
Plus if the Phoenix returns to a similiar point after a length of time greater than a month, do the darklings quickly return within four days or not? If the darklings don't return in four days, then why doesn't the Phoenix go round in circles, if the crew want to extend a visit to a place, or to complete a mission?
Author's Response: To answer your confusion: - For the first question, I will leave off answering for now since the answer to it will play a rather large part in episode 2 - Esala is a Romulan - in this universe, Starfleet and the Federation have spread to the entire Milky Way galaxy so many old enemies are now friends. - Yes, if the Phoenix returns to the same point after a greater length of time, the darklings will always be there within four days. Hope that answers some of your questions! Thanks for the great comment
Date: 16 Nov 2011 15:23 Title: Chapter 2
The shifting perspectives and scenes are well done. I recognize that this is a remote fantasy. But I repeat - there is a lot going on here. As a reader, it's easy to get lost. Is that the intention, perhaps, to parallel a feeling of being overwhelmed and lost with the feelings of the characters in the story? This may not be your intention but, to my mind, it is shaping up that way. And you might, perhaps, want to run with that.
Author's Response: Yes, I definitely wanted to throw the reader in the deep end, get as much of the basic universe set up as possible, to parallel how the characters feel. As to whether I run with that, up to you to decide! :)
Date: 16 Nov 2011 15:21 Title: Chapter 1
I like the description of Wicka Bay, and how you set expectations and then undercut them later by suddenly revealing that she is a priest and has stuff (decorations? insignia?) directly on her body.
I do wonder about all of the names, possibly species and roles. It is a lot to throw at a reader, particularly from the start. Just - a word of caution to you - it is a lot of concepts, and a lot of difference, for the reader, and all in a very short time frame. Trust the reader's intelligence, to be sure, but at the same time, all I am saying is, this could turn overwhelming for some readers.
Author's Response: All of the "stuff" on Wicka are implants - the mecha-borg are the future incarnation of Starfleet's infamous enemies, the Borg! :) I agree that it is a lot to throw at the reader, I hope that will settle down as you get to the next few chapters and the story takes off. There is a lot more to this galaxy, so I wanted to get the basic stuff down as quickly as possible. Also I tried to ground it with things we knew - Main Engineering, nacelles, etc. I'm glad that it hasn't overwhelmed you so far!