Date: 28 Sep 2013 10:09 Title: Act 5
The counter raid to rescue the Vulcans what drama, what twist and turns, I like how the Orions have fit the Neurolytic restraints. To stop any escape or slow rescue, show they no fools.
Then there is the scene where they banter under fire feels a little strange to me but I suspect you know what you’re writing about here better than me for experience marines on operations.
Then sh’Aleen sacrifice to save the pregnant Vulcan woman despite all her early words show she might be Andorian but she is still A Starfleet officer. It was a brilliant idea and well executed. Poor Mayfield we feel his pain at her lost.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 13:57 Title: Act 5
oh my Gawd! That was a blow at the end there. I hadn't expected that. I thought things were going too smoothly, even with the complications thrown in to challenge Carl, but then that poor ending for sh'Aleen! Damn. Finely played there.
And ow if she has indeed died sacrificing herself for the Vulcan refugees. What a way to go and what a story note. Well, well, done. And of course Brian is hit hard by it and forgets his mission and charge in the sudden grief and loss of the moment. Very well done. And I liked a lot that it seems he was subdued by a Vulcan nerve pinch.
It is also worth noting that in a combat situation you have a great sense of the scene and the players involved to help the reader follow what was going on. Very clear and effective.
Date: 14 Jul 2013 21:42 Title: Act 5
Oh, oh. Oh. Wow. You didn't kill her! But you did! AH! Ouch. Very well done. I love the world-building you did here, and the explanations for how the Vulcans were being kept, as well as the scene itself. I liked Carl's airsickness, which was a nice touch of realism. But man, does that ending give a kick in the teeth. Let's see if poor Brian makes it out alive.