Date: 28 Sep 2013 08:39 Title: Act 3
Now this is an interesting follow up, and a nicely work scene with Brian and sh’Aleen and focus on the Andorians past feelings towards the Vulcans. As we all know that old history rivals can still be under the surface even now they all part of the Federation. So I’m glad you choose to show that the past is there even in Starfleet.
Thought I might play devil advocate and say if the Federation is a federal union as seems to be apply by Federation (i.e. a federal group of states) then the old borders might be the state borders inside the Federation.
I like that Mayweather seem to be more realistic about the risk from Orion Raiders and not prepare to turn off systems for an upgrade.
Odd status about Rebecca Hadley, I can’t imagine any officer who did a stunt like that not been removed from Starfleet and put in prison. If it couldn’t be actually proven then maybe it was nothing to do with her, then her demote to L.C. might have create resentment and the need to prove herself or not been place in a positions where she can be blame or fitted up for something going wrong again.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 13:34 Title: Act 3
Oh oh, Hadley might very well be a huge liability given her past form and given her rather confrontational nature here. She's akin to a ticking timebomb and I'm getting bad vibes about her. Which is quite a delicious and rather novel characterization approach that you have taken and yes I love it.
Bad vibes are increased even more when we see that the Orions do indeed pose a major threat and I imagine in this altered universe with a rather weakened Federation that the Orion threat is probably even more serious - especially given the lengths we see the Horizon go to in order to stop beam offs for the slave trade or piracy. Again, interesting details you use to paint the picture and build up this little universe all very effective.
I also like the sense of work and life aboard the ship with Brian working hard to make room for the crew by stacking them into quarters and working out ways to put them together without conflict.
I also like the pluralistic approach to the crew as AOS did indeed show a much more varied crew than TOS (for obvious reasons but I like how you capitalise on it and make things much more colourful and varied). I also greatly appreciate the lengths you have gone to to build upon ENT and to extropolate from it towards AOS building on the Andorian/Vulcan animosity seen there and also prevalent in TOS (as seen in Journey to Babel).
I'm liking this very much. It is AOS with a nice comfortable feel and yet not too comfortable as to be generic enough to be prime universe in setting - it conforms to the altered universe but the sense of crew camraderie works here to ensnare the reader into familiarity.
Date: 14 Jul 2013 20:52 Title: Act 3
The look at an Andorian's hatred for Vulcans, and the history there, is really good. I love how you've painted in the political history of Enterprise, and made it work here. And that they sort of work it out, her and Brian, even though not entirely.
But it's the second part that makes my eyebrows go up. Man, those last few paragraphs? Nothing scarier than an engineer with a grudge. Now I'm starting to see a potential tragedy shaping up.