Date: 18 Jul 2013 19:38 Title: Act 1
I love how you started this! The levity between roommates, and being rudely awakened by the other occupant. After all, we've all been there at one point or another. ;-)
I like stories that take the time to set the scene and introduce us to the characters, instead of just charging off willy-nilly into space battles and such.
Brian Mayfield seems a real, believable, and likeable character. The setting of the Briefing Room was ideal to introduce more of your characters, and also the event/incident that is sure to be the main theme of this story.
I also like that you're delving into areas left in the dark by the first AOS movie. Something tells me this is gonna be a fun, yet heartbreaking ride.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 13:02 Title: Act 1
A nice and gentle casual introduction to the main command crew and cast here via Brian's point of view. It works to give a feel of the people and just some of the dynamics between them at a glance. It was nicely done and allowed you to zoom through to the ending which seems to be the crux of the story.
That crux being the fate of the Vulcan refugees in trouble and danger. Seems there is a lot at stake here - those Vulcans should have chosen more wisely than a century at least old ECS vessel but it probably points to their newfound hard luck status in the universe that they have to resort to such transport. It is interesting too to see the follow up to the events of the first AOS film (especially since the second didn't) as it seems here you are going to do by exploring the status and the stakes that remain for the Vulcans who survive. It is fantastic to see this being addressed and followed up and this is a promising start to that exploration.
Date: 14 Jul 2013 19:11 Title: Act 1
I love this as a start. Brian's annoyance waking up is so much like my own, lord. I love his back and forth with his roommate, too, and the way you managed to capture the atmosphere of the ship and the personality of these two guys without using too many words to do it.
The overall view of the ship was also good. I don't care so much for that universe, but you immediately draw a likable and diverse crew here. And the mission at the end, especially in the context of the loss of Vulcan, is a heck of a good opening act. It nails home the urgency of the situation.