Date: 13 Sep 2011 03:31 Title: Chapter 1
So, I have just visited a Vulcan reproduction facility, where people do all they can and all their physiologies can widthstand to assure survival of their species.
Shia' El seems especially dedicated, but I wonder how come she can control gender of her children. Sex is determined by presence of chromosome X or Y and I can't imagine she can change DNA to X with her mind only. Is there something she does and no one knows about? Of course, there are organisms that can change gender is survival of species calls for it, but Vulcans are not low organisms to easily do that.
I wonder where you plan to go with that setting, so looking for more of this story. Something tells me that Shia' Elis going to be in the centre of it :)
Author's Response: While I have no intention of winning this particular challenge, I am really enjoying all the questions it is raising. I hope this is a sign that you folks are enjoying the story so far, it certainly seems like the hooks are firmly planted in!
Date: 12 Sep 2011 23:09 Title: Chapter 1
Hmm...what species or ethnicity is the captain? I'm not sure I recognize where that name came from. (That said, I do kind of like the fact that it's not a short, TV-friendly name. In real life, a certain Greek officer would remind you, long names happen. ;-) )
I think that's a very interestiing, logical, but very painful technique that the Vulcans have resorted to to try to boost their dangerously low population. As for these abilities it's awakening in some of the Vulcans--I wonder if that will be a boon, or perhaps instead a burden? Or even a danger, like what happened to Gary Mitchell?
Now, I'm afraid I missed something: what is the reason for having only female children? Is the population imbalanced? Were more women killed because more men were in space or something?
BTW...while I am glad to see you did take the time to install a grammar checker, there are unfortunately a number of mistakes that seem to have gotten by you, mainly in the area of punctuation. You have a lot of run-on sentences, incorrectly-punctuated dialogue, and other errors. If you need help finding information on these topics, please feel free to PM me and I'll see if I can find anything for you.
Author's Response: He is human, and Indian. I got the name from the Van Wilder movies, I love the name. As for the direction of the Vulcan 'awakening' more will be revealed in the next chapter.
Date: 12 Sep 2011 18:44 Title: Chapter 1
And ... it worked! Yay!
Great start - a logical (but of course) repopulation program, an exceptional participant who wants to continue, a secret, secure underground facility, a bit of paranoia. Ah, a most auspicous beginning.
Author's Response: I am glad it come off as chauvanistic, I was really worried about that. Thank you.
Date: 12 Sep 2011 18:18 Title: Chapter 1
You're onto something really good and interesting here BD! Examining what happened to the Vulcans after losing their homeworld is one thing, but to throw in so many interesting quirks is another. Already you have brought out some intriguing new nuggets of information about the Vulcan race, and I'll be keeping my eyes open for the next chapter.
Author's Response: I wanted to really underline how valuable the Vulcan's are to the Federation, the lengths they will go too, to help them out. I'm rewatching Enterprise, to draw on some "haha this is how you help folks" subtext.