Date: 09 Aug 2011 14:03 Title: Chapter 5
This story is a delight from start to finish.
Your opening chapter is very compelling, wasting no time creating a vivid, visual landscape for readers through the use of well chosen objects (whips, wooden wheels, speaking tubes, wicker chairs, etc) and easily recognizable events that immediately connect us to the Generations storyline. By the end of the second paragraph you had me lock, stock and crystal eyepiece.
The narrative of your story is written with a clarity and sense of urgency that subtly informs readers that a great story is taking place with or without us – so we may as well get on board and enjoy the ride. Everything else – dialog, references to Earth’s history, Guinan’s involvement – create and sustain this irresistible, fascinating piece.
As to the Prime Directive, and as much as I respect its noble purpose, fans often tend to overlook the fact that the mere presence of the Enterprise in orbit around a non-warp capable world could expose that world to risk and cultural contamination that the inhabitants would be powerless to prevent. All it would take is one immoral, resource-hungry race, like the Ferengi, to follow a Starfleet vessel at a discreet distance and, after the Starfleet vessel has left, drop into that defenseless world with a ‘visit’ of their own.
In Generations the remains of the Enterprise-D stardrive section is most likely in a decaying orbit around Veridian III, probably dropping radioactive metal and other dangerous materials for years to come, and the astronauts from Veridian IV would almost certainly discover eventually. The ‘scar on the Goddess’s face’ – the remnants of the saucer section – is likewise scattered over a large area and the damage so extensive it is probably impossible to return the planet to its original, pristine state. Perhaps most important of all Adria has already recorded the scar, and some other astronomer from her planet will find that scar again. If Starfleet tries to clean up the damage on V3 their progress will be visible from V4, even if their vessels are cloaked during the operation. And what about Kirk’s grave and Soran’s hardware? They, too, would be hard to miss.
In light of the above, what Guinan says and does to Adria in your story seems to me a comparatively small cultural contaminant. I have no concerns with Prime Directive violations in this story, Guinan or otherwise.
In closing I would like to congratulate you on a superb piece. It is a story that every Trek writer would enjoy seeing issue from their pens, IMHO.
Author's Response: Thank you for the thoughtful and generous review, Samuel. You're right that even the orbital presence of a Starfleet vessel could easily violate the Prime Directive. I'm intrigued by the story possibilities of a cleanup crew doing its best to tidy up after Soran and the the Enterprise-D without alarming the Ellandrians ... *Wanders off to find a notepad.*
Date: 05 Aug 2011 01:14 Title: Chapter 5
That was a very moving end to a wonderful story. The coda with Guinan discovering Adria’s ultimate legacy brought the story to an especially satisfying close. Adria and Ris both made the courageous decision to remain behind despite the danger to themselves, and in so doing, helped to steer the course of their society’s future scientific advancements.
Especially well done!
Author's Response: Sam, thanks for the chapter-by-chapter responses. That's gold to a new writer! I did struggle with the Prime Directive issue -- would Guinan really want to go? would Picard really ever let her? -- but Guinan's own speech in chapter 3 convinced me. Who knows, maybe accidental contact with spacefaring civilizations propelled some of our own species' progress!
Date: 05 Aug 2011 00:36 Title: Chapter 3
Picard’s decision to allow Guinan to travel to Veridian IV was almost as gutsy as her actions in defense of Adria upon her arrival there. Hopefully, Guinan’s precious gift of a few minutes head start will be enough to keep the lady out of the clutches of the Holy College.
Date: 05 Aug 2011 00:16 Title: Chapter 2
One wonders how many countless skeptics, theologians, and bureaucrats on hundreds of worlds have pursued the same intransigent course with the geniuses of their era? Adria’s only crime was to speak against what was accepted fact, but the powers-that-be will not have their judgment questioned. Adria knows how this will end, but still she won’t surrender her stance and her insistence on what the truth here is. That is true courage.
Date: 03 Aug 2011 13:49 Title: Chapter 5
This is a sweet tale, and it's one that makes sense in a lot of ways, as the people and the society move believably from superstition to scientific fact.
I don't give out 10s too often, but I'm giving your story a 10.
Thank you for an excellent read.
Author's Response: Thank you, Janet. It's an honor to get kudos from a prolific and talented writer.
Date: 02 Aug 2011 15:23 Title: Chapter 1
I have read parts one and two David, and this is a very well written story. I dare say it is novel quality good. You have done a great job, IMO, of showing us what it would have been like for the early Astromoners on ths world during their struggles with "the spoken word". I am heading to part three now...keep it up!!!
Author's Response: Thank you for the kind words, Robert! Luckily our own late-medieval astronomers didn't have to witness any firefights between alien vessels -- that we know of. That left them more time to fight the inquisitors.