Date: 08 May 2012 09:12 Title: Chapter 1
Wow, this is an interesting piece, shining some light on the Gorn and Geckonians in different ways. I like the story, I was remembering prom dances myself. Good work.
Thanks! And now that I'm back in their heads, I'm going to tap into them for this week's Truths challenge.
Date: 24 Aug 2011 16:04 Title: Chapter 1
“You really think so? I like her teeth. She has the best teeth,” Ha! When I read that, I knew I was on to a winner. There lots of terrific lines throughout, lots of laddish bravado and talk of getting some tail. It achieved an alien feel and a teenage horny males vib, which all contrasted wonderfully with Bron's infatuation - with a warmie! LOL! More winning lines and comments.
Well done for creating such a young vibe to the characters and as was very phlisophically pointed out: “You’re eighteen years old! If now’s not the time to be shallow, then I don’t know when is!”
A great start to this. I think you should definitely consider trying a follow-up or continutation to this little romance. It's different but has all the hallmarks and trappings of a neat romance too.
With any fanfic I often measure part of its success in terms of if it intrigues me, makes me wonder, makes me want to write something. In the case here, you've given me a hankerign to write me some Gorn. You really just peeled away the scales and made these characters love struck or just plain horny guys. Off I go to create me a Gorn! Thankies!
Oh that made me laugh.
When I wrote these dudes, I figured Skrol was channeling over half of the guys I went to High School with. The other half or so are Bron, kind of, the nice guys who often finish last.
I've got other teenaged aliens -- I should post 'em. I do believe Rayna needs to show herself.
Thank you so much.
Date: 20 Aug 2011 19:19 Title: Chapter 1
I don't know why I took so long to review this one, but I really liked it.
I see you've classified the Cardassians as warm-blooded and closer to mammalians than reptiles. Not everyone does, though I do. (In my own continuity they are "therapsids.")
I think it makes sense--the Gorn would see just enough to keep the idea of attraction from being totally creepy to him (she does have scales and ridges, after all), but she is also very, very different from him.
In their spirits it's very clear that Sophra and Bron are a good match even though they are probably too far apart physically to be compatible with each other.
Do you think that in the Trekiverse such couples marry, and then adopt children? Do you think these two will?
Oh, and I gather this is a boarding school?
Yes, it's a boarding school. I kind of like the idea of teenagers being semi-on their own, not quite, but having parents being a little less hovering, perhaps.
I also use that as an analogy of how we experiment with attraction when we are so young. Not necessarily an experiment with sexuality (although a lot of people do that, of course), more along the lines of -- today I like a brown-haired boy, yesterday I liked a red-haired boy, tomorrow I like a blond-haired boy, and our allegiances kind of shift and change and we are very fickle as we tentatively determine our place in the world. And in other areas as well, for we are also figuring out the kinds of people we want to be.
I wanted them, as a couple, to be almost like the shy boy who is perhaps unattractive has a chance with a lovely girl because she can see beyond the fact that he's got braces or whatever. The other thing about teens is how visually-oriented they are when it comes to attraction, and how they can often engage in petty cruelties, even when they don't truly mean to.
Thank you so much. You are very kind. And - I didn't realize that Cardassians are kind of in the middle. That was serendipity!
PS Will they marry? I dunno. I'll have to think up a future for them.
Date: 05 Aug 2011 06:46 Title: Chapter 1
The alienness of species was shows very clearly, yet still it if a part of the story without banging a reader with dry info. It took dialogues and returning subject of the tail, how different species regard teeth, etc. To them it's so natural that this is what they should pay attention to when assessing attractiveness of another person--to us, Earthlings, it's so...strange.
You also chose species that belong to a groups of animals, namely reptiles, that usually aren't considered very romantic or gentle. And I think it was a very good choice, because that kind of thing is related to one's heart and not having ro not having scales.
I enjoyed the story :)
Thank you so much!
The teeth and tail things were -- I was trying to figure out, what would a sentient reptile think of as "getting to second base" or "that's someone who's hot". The secondary sex characteristics that we think of as attractive (and also things like hair and skin smoothness) weren't there. But two things that a raptor does have are teeth and a tail. In ENT, the Xindi Reptilian characters are shown fully clothed (and I believe they were all male) and so the tail, if any, is hidden. A teenaged guy would be panting to see a tail, I thought, because it would be an intimate act, a preliminary to other things but also just a plain old turn-on. I saw Skrol that way, a somewhat typical teenaged guy, wanting what he wants and not nasty, but just hormonal.
With Bron, I wanted him to be painfully scared of being rejected. He needs someone who can see his inner self. When the Xindi were introduced on ENT, they were essentially monsters, and it takes much of the Third Season story arc to get the audience to see them as individuals. Eventually even the Reptilians are seen, if not as gentle, then at least as sending a rep to Archer's speech at the founding of what becomes the Federation. But the Gorn aren't shown enough to get that kind of a treatment. They should be individuals - an intelligent species isn't just going to be a monolith of warriors. They have to have cooperated at least a little bit in order to get as far as they have. So someone in there has got to be a good guy.
Date: 28 Jul 2011 20:29 Title: Chapter 1
I like it.My curiosity is peaked and I am wondering how you are going to visualize the male. Near as I can tell among lizards there are two types of males. What sort are you going for? In any case can't wait to see how this develops. Added to favorites. Thank you Jes
Thank you! I was worried that Sophra didn't have a lot to say, she just kinda looks pretty except at the end. I adore writing about teens -- they are (well, I was, too) such fishes out of water. Alien teens have gotta be that in spades.