Date: 15 Dec 2013 14:26 Title: Your People
Oh! The stranger in a strange land can certainly be a new adventure for Eriecho.
I love how your character weaves so well into her story, and brings those two threads of nuTrek together so beautifully. I'd feel comfortable with a new Abuela like Maria de la Reina, too.
I heard the characters' voices clearly - Eriecho, Shaw and of course Saddik. Good call on the MACO being confused when she offered to give him something for the alarm clock. She's so used to commerce and trading that any kindness or thoughtfulness seems initially suspect.
Thank you. I LOVE it.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it. I was a little worried, honestly, lol. And thank you for adding it to your series as well...I'm honored. I'm looking forward to seeing more Eriecho adventures later on!
Date: 15 Dec 2013 11:06 Title: Your People
Very nicely done.
You to my reading ear seem to capture Eriecho voice and get her line of thinking right at having to live on New Vulcan with yet more Vulcans. Still it was a nice touch and bring the USS Whiston doctor to speak to Eriecho was an interesting choice. That serve the story well.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 11:42 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
Interesting little story, easy and quick to read. works without reading all of the Whiston tale.
I think you dropped the little hints about the Klingons agent well and that was a good way to describe the Klingon bit of virus kit.
easy to read and it al flowed nicely as a story.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 10:19 Title: USS WHISTON
Good to see Captain Harrison’s re-prime Mayfield for going to piece at the end of the rescue and needing a hostage to nerve pinch him.
The end of a secret relationship and him look less than compentant to his Captain now.
The Vulcan naming ceremony for the baby girl was handle well especially the seeking permission from the Andorian lover as was the whirlwind of thoughts going through Mayfield head.
Brian poor state back in his cabin does feel right, the fact that Sh’Aleen voice torments him still and that his only escape is to focus on his duty tasks. The line I did my job, I did it do yours. Seems right.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 10:09 Title: USS WHISTON
The counter raid to rescue the Vulcans what drama, what twist and turns, I like how the Orions have fit the Neurolytic restraints. To stop any escape or slow rescue, show they no fools.
Then there is the scene where they banter under fire feels a little strange to me but I suspect you know what you’re writing about here better than me for experience marines on operations.
Then sh’Aleen sacrifice to save the pregnant Vulcan woman despite all her early words show she might be Andorian but she is still A Starfleet officer. It was a brilliant idea and well executed. Poor Mayfield we feel his pain at her lost.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 08:57 Title: USS WHISTON
Now things go pear shape, Made sense that the Orions would target the Vulcans and use a small local jammer ship to allow them to use their computer virus and grab some Vulcans for slaves.
Glad you’ve kept sh’Aleen and Brian still having leftover issues from the previous chapters and it feel good for Brian to point out he is her boss.
I surprise the Captain trust Hadley to sort out the Horizon, when he previously demote her for stupid antics.
I was shook at the Whiston torpedo hit and crippling the Horizon warp drive nacelle, and yet in battle that sort of thing sadly happens so I found it a realistic error, but Mayfield will be doing some extra tactical training in the near future.
What an awkward position for the Captain, chase the raiders to rescue 23 Vulcans or protect the Horizon other 327 Vulcans from a future further raids. I trust he going to point out to Captain Mayweather he doesn’t take orders from the ECS.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 08:39 Title: USS WHISTON
Now this is an interesting follow up, and a nicely work scene with Brian and sh’Aleen and focus on the Andorians past feelings towards the Vulcans. As we all know that old history rivals can still be under the surface even now they all part of the Federation. So I’m glad you choose to show that the past is there even in Starfleet.
Thought I might play devil advocate and say if the Federation is a federal union as seems to be apply by Federation (i.e. a federal group of states) then the old borders might be the state borders inside the Federation.
I like that Mayweather seem to be more realistic about the risk from Orion Raiders and not prepare to turn off systems for an upgrade.
Odd status about Rebecca Hadley, I can’t imagine any officer who did a stunt like that not been removed from Starfleet and put in prison. If it couldn’t be actually proven then maybe it was nothing to do with her, then her demote to L.C. might have create resentment and the need to prove herself or not been place in a positions where she can be blame or fitted up for something going wrong again.
Date: 28 Sep 2013 07:57 Title: USS WHISTON
Well played with the drop out of warp scene, I did like that the sub-space radio silence was due to the ECS Horizon not having a modern another communication set.
Did like that someone had the smarts to fit transport inhibitors to make raids harder.
I felt the ECS/Starfleet and refugees mayor Talak first introduction did felt well balance. I did like that Doctor De la Reina was more concern with treating the injury than attending the briefing.
Also like that the ECS crews are still slightly adverse to calling Starfleet for helping, despite the old family links. I bet it bad on cargo ship with that many people/Vulcans, I feel the idea that the Nero/Romulans target the large refugee ships also feels right.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 19:09 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
Ok, so totally it built up to this moment. Veyr well played. Nice twist at the end with the Klingon reveal. Should have twigged that. And nice nod to continuity with the ENT Klingon Soong virus effect. No wonder they were able to have an enemy walking among them without knowing it. Great reveal and enemy twist.
It also bodes ill for AOS Klingon/Federation relations if this is the lengths some operatives will go to in order to attack, weaken the Federation. (perhaps a neat way of signalling too the possibility of the third film havign Klingon antagonists in it perhaps)
Damn it when our heroes all split up and go their different ways. You just know bad stuff is going to go down - and boys did it. But I like too that you used the nature of the freighter, the small crew and quite compartmentalised designed of the ship to play into the take down of the ship and crew by isolation and attack. And now ... the big long wait for some kind of resolution. Agh, don't make us wait too long.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 19:02 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
Things are getting dicey. Hard to believe it took so much convincing but it seems at least Paul is now on the same sheet as everyone else. They know bad stuff is happening and suspect it must be somebody onboard - but Baker's little interruption was a little timely. What was the device's new purpose on reactivation? And was Baker checking in on it? Lots of intriguing questions requiring some sort of answer.
I've a feeling that with one act to go we are going to get some answers but even more questions and possible a WTF type question to end the proceedings. Gah! This is getting to a nice climax build up. Nicely done. Good way to raise the tension level and build towards a cliffhanger without any big melodramatics either. Simple, effective, amping up of the situation, the increase in infections, the crew growing slightly mutinous by not helping witht he Vulcans, the saboatage, the gadget (which for some reason had me thinking Cardassian because of the design) and Baker's menacing presence and the tension between the senior officers. All very nicely and effectively done.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 18:54 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
First a deliberate computer virus and now a deliberate contamination of the Vulcans! Yipes. This is getting more serious and darker. Things do not look good here. Who is behind this and what is their agenda? Given the AOS universe setting it could be anyone, a brand new playground even with possible suspects. However, it continues more bad stuff is surely in line. And it seems with Whitson racing off to the colony the Horizon is again on its own with a possible enemy onboard. Perhaps this time thye should have taken onboard a security officer.
Meantime, we continue to grow more leary and wary of Baker. Is this a red herring? Maybe. But it is odd that he seems not too favourably inclined towards the Vulcans and yet he signed on for this run. There's something very up with him. And something very up with this entire situation. Setting up a very tense little story here. Very well done.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 18:43 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
Oh man, things are detoeriating with Talak. It seems to convey the dire circumstances that are there for the Vulcans and how important it is to look after them all and especially leaders who will help shepherd them in their new life.
Back to the ship, I'm liking the feel you give it. The twist on the log reports from department heads was fun. The light and even mocking tone of the reports to show that not everyone agrees with them but will still follow the boss. Hee, hee. Lends to the informal setting of the place as well as the family business angle as well with humour being a good way to diffuse tense situations.
And then Baker again. Hmm. He seems to be soemthing else. Ex-military, a spy? who knows. Look forward to finding out.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 18:04 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
Ha! He's gone and jinxed them! Luckily at least, Hadley is about to be returned to the Whitson before time. Seems her and Candice were about to get to blows. I like the not so simmering tension there between the two women - an engineer is bound to get possessive of their engines and hate anyone getting their nose stuck into them. Never mind when that person is a Starfleeter with an attiude problem regardless.
Being a civvie, Candice is of the type to not rank Starfleeters too highly - thiking them superior, smug, priviledged and basically up their own ... anyway. It's a line of thinking I have some of my civilian characters share and hold strongly because I imagine, especially among the freighter captains and engineers - part envy in a way they don't want to admit and part (a large part I imagine) getting riled by Starfleeters presuming their way is best and they are more knowledgeable and able yet not accounting for their technological advantages.
So what remains for the rest of the journey. They're jinxed now and something bad is bound to happen.
Date: 20 Jul 2013 17:52 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
Ugh, something a bit off about Jordan for sure. Is he a collaborator with the Orions perhaps. And then there is Candice - she seems to be a forceful personality so was always likely to clash with any Starfleeter in her engine room but given the temperment and personality of Hadley their meetings and disputes are bound to be fireworks material.
Liking the shift of story to the freighter point of view here and of course getting a chance to see some AOS civilian life. I've always thought it an interesting angle to explore so looking forward to more here.
Date: 19 Jul 2013 21:31 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
Aak! You can't end it there! Please tell me this tale is continued in another story. I've a pretty good idea who the traitor is.
This was a nail-biter, more so than the Whiston tale, and I like that you weaved bits of canon into it, like the Mayweathers and choriocytosis and the disease that disfigured the TOS-era Klingons. This is a really, really good blending of the original timeline with the JJverse. Well done, TS!
Date: 19 Jul 2013 21:09 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
Okay, Hadley is gone and I'm breathing a sigh of relief with Candice, but there's still that niggling feeling that all is not well lingering in the back of my mind...
Whoops. Forgot to hit <submit>. Sorry this is out of order. :O
Date: 19 Jul 2013 20:56 Title: ECS HORIZON-2
I am liking this so far, and the more I read the more I think I'm right about Baker. Why would he need to be down in the cargo hold, poking around the refugees? Up to no good, I'll wager.
One thing I did notice, though which gave me pause. Bethany said if Talak had a heart attack they'd have to get Whiston's doctor over to Horizon, because she wasn't equipped to handle that. It just got me thinking that if Vulcans are so scarce now, surely they'd have sent a doctor well-versed in Vulcan physiology and medicine in order to be able to handle any contingency. It just seemed that the Federation wouldn't want any of them to die due to something as fixable as inadequate medical care.
Date: 18 Jul 2013 19:38 Title: USS WHISTON
I love how you started this! The levity between roommates, and being rudely awakened by the other occupant. After all, we've all been there at one point or another. ;-)
I like stories that take the time to set the scene and introduce us to the characters, instead of just charging off willy-nilly into space battles and such.
Brian Mayfield seems a real, believable, and likeable character. The setting of the Briefing Room was ideal to introduce more of your characters, and also the event/incident that is sure to be the main theme of this story.
I also like that you're delving into areas left in the dark by the first AOS movie. Something tells me this is gonna be a fun, yet heartbreaking ride.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 14:03 Title: USS WHISTON
Aw, that was a nice ending and it had a Trek episode feel to it to with the resolution to it at the end with the naming of the child in honour of sh'Aleen and perhaps a message of hope for the future. And indeed the birth of another Vulcan child also hints at hope for the future.
Brian is reprimanded too by the captain which is fitting given what happened but the captain also extends sympathy for Brian's loss in the department (albeit perhaps not clued in on their real relationship). But Brian can move on from this and begins to make the steps to do so.
Date: 15 Jul 2013 13:57 Title: USS WHISTON
oh my Gawd! That was a blow at the end there. I hadn't expected that. I thought things were going too smoothly, even with the complications thrown in to challenge Carl, but then that poor ending for sh'Aleen! Damn. Finely played there.
And ow if she has indeed died sacrificing herself for the Vulcan refugees. What a way to go and what a story note. Well, well, done. And of course Brian is hit hard by it and forgets his mission and charge in the sudden grief and loss of the moment. Very well done. And I liked a lot that it seems he was subdued by a Vulcan nerve pinch.
It is also worth noting that in a combat situation you have a great sense of the scene and the players involved to help the reader follow what was going on. Very clear and effective.