Date: 24 Aug 2011 11:30 Title: Vulcan Voodoo
This seemed like an appropriate story for the Enterprise-era considering Amelia's reaction. It was starting to border on farcical with Amelia and T'Shae going back and forth and everybody else in the room occasionally chiming in. Even considering the mitigating circumstances, Amelia's attitude toward T'Shae almost made McCoy look easy-going around Spock. And of course, one would obviously be skeptical of mind-meld solution even after the Syranite revolution and the Panar syndrome stigma.
Yes, I imagine a person/human has to be really skeptical of such an unknown alien practice. All the more so when that person is Amelia who as you say has quite an attitude. I'm glad you liked it and thank you for reading and commenting. You raise a good point about it verging on farcical and when/if I fold this into the Falcon story continuity proper I will have to watch that. Thanks again for reading and the terrific feedback.
Date: 23 Aug 2011 11:07 Title: Vulcan Voodoo
If we consider Amelia Thatcher as two parts B’Elanna Torres, one part Scotty and a dash of modified personality inspired by the presence of the non-corporeal lifeform, then her outlandish behavior seems well within the realm of the possible. I would have liked to have seen a wider range of responses from her, (maybe fewer of the ‘up your …’ variations), but for the most part I enjoyed her lively, sometimes caustic dialogue and I would hope that future revisions of this story preserve her unique brand of rawness. (Assuming that it is a little more subdued when she hasn’t got a ghost in her head!)
One small comment on the ending. I wonder how many people might have missed your bit of clever wordplay on touché in the last line? (My wife missed it and she’s the real reader in the family.) Perhaps when Ankorr asks, “When is she ever?” Grey replies, “touché,” then the Captain counters back with, “Don’t you mean, T’Shae?”
I enjoyed my first visit to the Falcon, and I hope we see her again soon!
Thank you Samuel for reading. I really appreciate it and the feedback. Yes, Amelia is very much a bit of a firebrand. In other postings of Amelia, she remains caustic, lively, outlandish and raw. It's a little more subdued. Maybe not so to the hilt as here, but it depends on the situation. If she ain't in her engine room when it is all going wrong, then she ain't a happy bunny and doesn't react well to extreme situations - it tends to prompt her to become extreme herself.
As for the ending, alas not so intentional - although T'Shae's name did derive from that line of thinking as I was thought Vulcans were fun when they got to deliver the touché moments or were in receipt of them. But that was way back in my conception of the character and I had completely forgotten about it. But I should just have pretended really that it was! Curses. But I am stoked that your wife read this too! Yay!
I'm thrilled you enjoyed your first visit to the Falcon and I hope to have you visit another Falcon story again in the future. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing.
Date: 21 Aug 2011 17:15 Title: Vulcan Voodoo
There were definitely some good one-liners in here, and I think you could easily write a sitcom if you ever set out to do one. Overall, I got the sense that I was watching something like Everybody Loves Raymond in space.
I could understand Amelia's behavior as being induced by a medical condition, outlandish as it was; some of the stories you hear about people coming out of anesthesia or being on morphine, and the outlandish things they say and do during those times, are pretty out-of-this-world!
(I won't post the original video because I think the dad was exploiting his kid, but the spoof "Chad After Dentist" gets the point across about weird anesthesia reactions: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGTAnXqn9Jc )
Given that, wacky as it was, I found Amelia's behavior quite believable, and you definitely captured what a patient in an altered state of consciousness can get up to.
I've got to say, though, the behavior of the rest of the crew was not the professional conduct I would've expected when dealing with a person clearly suffering from a medical condition. T'Shae I can almost understand given the bad behavior of a lot of pre-Syrranite Vulcans, but the way things went after the whole "hormonal" turn of events...that's where it became a tougher pill for me to swallow.
It's not that ENT wasn't without the same sort of issues; Captain Archer's immature behavior never rang true to me as someone who is supposed to have "the Right Stuff" (and given that the fleet was so small then, I would've expected the selection criteria to be pretty intense). But for me, that was a bit overkill.
BUT...you know what I challenge you to do? If the mood strikes you, I'd love to see you write a "TV show" that the Trek characters might watch. A scenario like this would be *perfect* in that context. We don't hear about it, but they must have a pop culture on Trek?
Firstly, looking up that video sent me on an unintended tangent this evening! LOL! Secondly, thank you for reading and reviewing so thoroughly. Very much the intention here was humour so the sitcom feel is good. Especially Everybody Loves Raymond like. Very much a silly light fluff piece given Amelia's outlandish behaviour. It is a scene that will probably get tweaked and elaborated upon when it gets folded into a story proper. Hopefully then I can flesh out the others - Grey and AnKorr - more to show they are more professional; although not always when it comes to Amelia it does have to be said. T'Shae is very much among the worst of the pre-Syrranite Vulcans. Thank you again for reading.
Date: 21 Aug 2011 13:28 Title: Vulcan Voodoo
Hee hee – that was fun, MF. This was my first introduction to Amelia Eliza DeWitt Thatcher – I’ll definitely have to delve into that character a little more deeply. Are you sure she isn’t a long-lost ancestor of one Leonard H. McCoy? ;-) She seems to have a gift for an acid tongue where strait-laced, logical, pointy-eared humanoids are concerned, too. ;-)
Loved her reaction to the mind meld – we’ve always seen willing participants (with the exception of McCoy in the Mirror universe) who are calm an collected; nice to see someone who is just plain freaked out by the idea. And the fact that she found the ritual words used to initiate one so silly just seemed so in character given her other hot-headed tendencies.
As you said, just a bit of fluff, but laugh-out-loud funny fluff. :D
Aw thanks LBD. Yes, pure fluff, but it pays sometimes just to entertain. Especially when up against such sterling competition as yourself! But yes, the point was to give a smile I hope it did just that for you.
Amelia is very vocal. And when it comes to a particular Vulcan there is a similarity. Amelia and T'Shae are like McCoy/Spock - just without the underlying friendship! Who knows, maybe in time! Ha! Actually, the plan might to make things change somewhat after this mind meld, which should prove interesting if I can achieve it. But yes, amelia finds the whole mind meld thing freaky and indeed superstitious ridiculousness for such 'logical' people. When you think about it, especially in the ENT era, it has to be a very strange and alien concept to allow people into your brain space.
Thank you SO much for reading, reviewing and enjoying. Hopefully, I can get you some more Amelia/Border Dogs stuff to enjoy.
Date: 21 Aug 2011 02:18 Title: Vulcan Voodoo
Wow, to say Amelia was over-reacting would be an understatement. Her captain must be a very patient person, since it seems that such behaviour isn't just the result of the alien 'infection' and he had dealt with it on earlier occasions to have developed such a thick skin. I'm surprised she managed to make friends with anyone and not surprised at all that some people can't stand her.
An interesting approach to the challenge.
Firstly, thank you for reading Rejal and for reviewing. That means a lot, especially if the characters are unfamiliar and the story has no prologue or background information given. Yes, Amelia is over-reacting. She tends to on a normal basis but of course it was taken to an extreme here because of the situation and because of the presence of the alien affecting her! But she isn't like this all the time, otherwise it would be difficult to see how she could make friends as you say. However, she does because she's fiercely protective of her friends and those who work under her. She's something of a juggernaut when it comes to work and there's no stopping her. But it is safe to say, if she hadn't AnKorr as her captain, and moreso before that her previous captain Dwight, she would not be in the position she is in.
Glad you found it to be an interesting approach, it was a germ of an idea that just happened to fit the challenge theme but I doubt it standing up to the other entries at all! More of a light and fun interlude. Again, thanks for reading and commenting.
Date: 20 Aug 2011 10:16 Title: Vulcan Voodoo
Ah, the crew of the Falcon, how I missed them! It's been so long, it's good to see them back in action, if only in limited form here. A good story with a bunch of great lines-Grix was pure win, I would have laughed too; and the banter between Amelia and T'Shae was absolutely knock out, drag out, awesome. Cool entry MF.
Thanks trekfan. Yes it has been a LONG time since I've written any Falcon stuff, so it was a joy to go back to it. And yes, if I had been Grix I'd have passed out in that situation with Amelia declaring 'Are you saying I'm hormonal?' Just as well he wasn't about for the short or fat bit! Hee, hee. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading.
Date: 20 Aug 2011 09:49 Title: Vulcan Voodoo
OMG. This is classic Amelia vs. T'Shae, turned up to eleventy. I've so missed these characters. Creative "illness" there, with the ghost/poltergeist/non-corporeal being ... and very Trek with the mind meld solution. Too bad Amelia is about as cooperative as a bag of cats on the best of days, and this was her at her worst! Quite a few laugh-out-loud moments, here. Loved it.
Date: 29 Jun 2011 12:11 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
Excellent story about the final battle of the Romulan War of 2160. Great characters, as well as the introduction of several new classes of Earth designed vessels being the Chinook Class, and Falcon Class. Good to see that NX and Daedalus classes were involved in the War right up until its conclusion for costly victory for the COP(Coalition of Planets later becoming the UFP United Federation of Planets)
Wow thanks BSG-Ajax. I'm so sorry I never saw your review. That would have been quite a buoy when you wrote it. Thank you. I'm glad that you liked the various details of the ship classes and the of the war itself. But particularly that you liked the characters. Thanks again.
Date: 15 Nov 2010 15:15 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
Nice nod to how the officer exchange program began and possibly how Starfleet became a more diversified organization. That ending has the same feel as one of a Deep Space Nine episode where the story is resolved and then there's that "Not so fast" development to bring everything to a close. ("Duet", "The Jem'Hadar", "The Adversary", "Broken Link" to name a few).
Look forward to seeing more...
Yeah, given that canon had obvious reasons for not showing a more diverse Starfleet we can but assume the how and the why. The officer exchange program we know from Phlox existed in a medical doctors version. So I figured they were forward enough thinking to maybe consider the like with those they had begun to make friends with. All of which would help lead to the formation of the Starfleet and Federation we come to know. Again, much, much thanks for reading. Glad you liked the idea of the officer exchange program and the ending too. Yeah, low blow from me. As for more check out the rest of the Border Dogs title to see some of what comes after, more linked to the formation of the Federation and the Border Patrol Service.
Fingers crossed, there will be more Romulan War stories to come, filling in some gaps, the build up, battles, etc. Again, thank you for reading.
Date: 15 Nov 2010 15:06 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
Nice insight in the mind of a fighter pilot in the final battle of the Romulan War, especially the mindset of Sydney Madison feeling she had nothing to lose.
Noticed a few grammatical errors, but overall it was a nice look into how even winning side suffered losses.
Thank you. Yeah the insight into Madison was helped by how intense a setting the scene was. I can only but imagine the horror of it all. Again, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Will check it out. Thanks.
Date: 31 Oct 2010 05:57 Title: Border Dogs: A New, Old Order
This paragraph reminded me a lot of the Romulan one. Yes, the killing here is done a lot more brutishly, as one would come to expect from Klingons but perhaps those two people, as much as they may hate each other, are not so different after all.
I liked the notion that in the Klingon Empire the intelligence gathering is done by their equivalent of the Border Service. That makes kinda sense.
Also very glad that arrogant Fresac was put down the way he was. Too bad he didn't learn his lesson about the dangers of antagonizing an old warrior. With now being dead and all.
Date: 30 Oct 2010 20:34 Title: Border Dogs: A New, Old Order
I think you really nailed the Klingon culture with both the mood and dialogue of this piece. "You wouldn't know honor if it crawled into your bed and mothered you a whelp" is just a grade-A Klingon insult. It will be interesting to see what this power play brings forth in the larger Border Dogs universe.
An intriguing look into the backrooms of the Klingon hierarchy, and highly enjoyable.
Date: 08 Aug 2010 13:06 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
I look forward reading the upcoming narrative. The use of relatively primitive ships and weaponry is certainly logical explanation considering that Vulcan was holding Earth down until Enterprise's first season.
Another example of contradictory dialogue was in ST: Insurrection when the admiral said, "Warp drive transformed 'Romulan thugs' into an empire. We can handle the Son'a." And Picard's response was, "Someone probably said the same thing about the Romulans a century ago."
Yeah, there have been so many contradictions I had to just try and marry what I could with my own version of things. Here's hoping... Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. Sorry about the delay in responding Enterprising 1981.
Date: 08 Aug 2010 09:23 Title: Border Dogs: A New, Old Order
For a moment there I was worried Amelia would be made first officer. She's quite the firecracker with a vicious temperament which I'm sure is much better suited to keep the engines running instead of command.
Great to see the forming of the Border Service here. Just like the service it will become, it's origins are less than glamours. But these are people who realize that somebody needs to step up and make sure that Starfleet can go and gallivant around the universe in peace without having to worry about pesky border incursions.
Ha, ha! Oh my, the thought of Amelia as XO would be just unthinkable! I just don't think she would be cut out for it - though thankfully onboard a border cutter she won't have as mnay diplomatic functions to carry out. Besides, she views the engines as being hers and that would be enough to pawn the ship!
Yup, these are the people stepping up to the mark, drawing the line in the sand and saying 'go on if you think you are hard enough!' And less than glamorous it is.
Figured it best to go this route as opposed to another talky chapter about the formation of the Service or the Federation. Given your feedback, I figured it would be best to mix such chapters in amongst more sparky and dialogue snapping pieces. Thanks for the helpful feedback!
Date: 06 Aug 2010 08:33 Title: Border Dogs: A New, Old Order
Well, there we go. An awesome look at the founding of the Border Patrol!
In one paragraph, we know EXACTLY who Amelia is -- and that she's pissed. Great characterization here for her, for her Captain, and for AnKorr.
Seems that command team has quite a history of being awesome together, so it will be interesting to see AnKorr forge a relationship with someone new, with himself in the top spot instead of the bottom. And I wonder how much we will be seeing of Hofschroer now that he's a Commodore. Could be interesting to see the approach he takes to such a large command.
A great installment, and having seen this crew in the future through the RR ... I have to say Amelia is going to live to eat her words about Lesley. She hasn't seen a stuck up, bitchy science officer yet.
Ha! Yeah Amelia kinda sets out her stall all in one go doesn't she! As for characterisation, I take no credit for her as she just spilled out onto the page. But pissed or about to be pissed are her most common moods. And yes, she will come to miss Lesley - the next stuck up bitch she meets is going to have pointy ears and dismissive eyebrows - I don't foresee things going well there.
We will see a bit of the commodore as he is involved in a lot of the setting up of the Border Patrol Service and of course has a vested interest in AnKorr and Amelia. So there'll be more of him. As to whether his style will suit a larger command and flying a desk is a whole other matter.
AnKorr does have a lot to get used. Commanding his own ship is going to be a huge step up from being XO to Dwight. In addition to that, we will have to remember at this time there wasn't a huge thing for multi-species crews - and if we go by TOS - that seemed to be a long time thing. So he will also have to contend with being a non-human in charge of humans, a non-Denobulan being in charge of Denobulans, etc. And indeed seeing a multi-species crew coming together and learning to work collaboratively. All of this in the back drop of the Romulan War and whatever fall out and tensions and scars remain after it.
Thanks for reading and reviewing and liking. Too kind. But don't let that stop you! ;)
Date: 28 Jul 2010 12:08 Title: Border Dogs: A New, Old Order
I'll be honest, I'm not a huge fan of the long, drawn out style you employ here. I suppose I'm more of a fast pace, dialogue over prose kinda reader.
Having said that, I got into this the more I read. I really like the setting and the period and getting a chance to see the outcome of the Earth-Romulan war from a Romulan perspective. The many Romulan terms tended to be a bit confusing I thought but a lot of other things were really fascinating such as the rationale behind remaining mostly secretive about culture and appearance.
The young apprentices death, or eventual death may be unfortunate but he really brought that on himself. As a Romulan, especially one dealing with keepers of secrets (read 'Bloody Spooks') he really should have known better.
In the end I did appreciate this tale and it does make me curious what else you've got plan for this series.
First off, thank you for reading and reviewing. Secondly, thank you for an honest and constructive review. I think I will go back and take out some elements of the ROmulan language. In my research I caught up a little in it. Though probably thinking if I dunk a good bit of Romulan flavour into this first section I won't have to do it in any later Romulan sections! LOL! But there really isn't a point in having it if it lends to confusion. Thanks for that perspective.
Yes, I really wanted to show things from a Romulan POV given their part in the Romulan War and the fact they seemingly stay low and hidden until the TOS era. My imaginings are that they didn't in fact stay out of Federation affairs, merely played a hidden game with spies, assassins and saboteurs.
As for what's in store, at present I'm thinking there will be some Romulan trickery to thwart some of the Federation plans, with sleeper agents and what not. Likewise, i enjoyed doing this Romulan POV that I've a Vulcan POV lined up about the propect of joining a Federation as well as a Klingon one that may or may not work. The Vulcan one being maybe, more of a long drawn out style. We'll see if it comes together or not. The Klingon one has a bit more happening in it.
Thanks again for the comments CeJay. Really appreciate the reviews.
Date: 28 Jul 2010 08:09 Title: Border Dogs: A New, Old Order
Wow! I get to drop my red F! This was awesome, MF! Very richly detailed and full of manipulation and political intrigue. You really did your research, and it shows. I loved the inclusion of bits of the Romulan language and culture. Jonus is a creep, but creeps can make for wonderful reading. Tuvoth is every bit the Senator's son, too. Well-characterized and well-written. Loved it!
Whoo hoo. Thank you for the review. Good, bad or indifferent, glad to know somebody's reading this stuff! Jonus isn't a creep - he's a patriot! ;)
Very happy that the Romulan stuff went over ok - not sure if it wasn't overdone perhaps in this the first chance we get to meet the Rommies in the story. [Well apart from those zipping by and getting blown up in the Cheron war chapters!] Was there too much being dropped into proceedings?
But the characterisation is the main thing and you liked that so far. Thanks again for the review and for reading.
Date: 28 Jul 2010 05:33 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
I found this through your recent post on the forum. This is a really well written, well thought out historical note. You've done a good job of combining various canon sources, adding your own flavor and tying them all together.
Well done! I'll check out the actual story next.
Thank you very much Captain Sarine. Yeah I had a bit of fun [and headache] trying to match up some of the inconsistencies. Where I couldn't, I didn't! :D
Look forward to hearing your opinions on the actual story. Hope it holds up to this history. Either way, thanks for reviewing the history at least and for the stars. And glad the forum posts actually do garner some attention and I'm not tlaking to myself! Hee, hee. Thank you again!
Date: 18 Jun 2010 01:37 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
I'm starting to detect a theme here. A very sad, depressing theme. Introduce interesting characters and then ... kill them off.
It was especially poignant here because I really didn't see it coming. Which made this a lot more powerful of course.
You continue to paint an intense picture of space combat, from the fighter pilots to the bigger starships. Well done.
Hee hee. That is a depressing theme. However, as is the fashion, you will have to wait and see who lives and who dies in this latest instalment. But I'm a happy camper that the ending wasn't anticipated. Good to know I can surprise you CeJay. Thank you for the comments in general but I'm particularly chuffed about those pertaining to the space battles. That should motivate me to write a few more battles!
Date: 15 Jun 2010 12:16 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
Oh, wow. Everything about this chapter was blown away by the last paragraph. :'( I mean, you know going in that this is a "last battle" story, but you did such a good job of fleshing out the crew and making them likable ... from the 'good man' Hofschroer, to the noble Andorian AnKorr, to fiesty Amelia ...
I liked their differing perspectives on the sacrifice of the fighter pilot, and I liked the technical details here with the Romulan tech, especially. Made it seem very real.
This is a great story and I'll be waiting for more!
Yes the last part kind of pulled the rug on the readers. That was admittedly the intention so happy it worked. The intention of the rest of the chpater was indeed to give a picture of the crew and make you want to care what happened to them. Glad you liked them. Stay tuned and see who survives...
Date: 11 Jun 2010 12:55 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
Very vivid! Edge of the seat action! And a look at Cheron! Awesome!
Yay! That's about what I wanted from the piece. So good to know the action had that feel. And of course, Cheron was a name I had heard before and wanted to show a glimpse of it. There'll be one more segment coming to do with it so keep peeled for that.
Date: 11 Jun 2010 12:47 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
I'm not big on intros but I really liked this one!
Not big on intros myself but I thought it might be worth putting a few details and thoughts down on paper. Thanks for checking it out.
Date: 08 Jun 2010 10:49 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
Dark, atmospheric and Battlestar Galactica inspired opening.
Battle sequences tend to be a bit slow and boring but I like what you've done here, using very vivid imagery and a sense of dread as Sydney Is forced to watch the destruction of her ship helplessly.
I'm curious to see how this will tie in into your main story. I'd love for this fearless pilot to be your protagonist but considering her final act that seems rather unlikely. However, in space you just never know.
Great stuff and looking forward to more.
Thank you. Yup action scenes are tricky. There are only so many adjectives you can use without going a little OTT. Glad this particualr segment was vivid and the fact it harkened Battlestar Galactica opening for you is not bad thing.
Given Sydney's final act it does seem rather that her fate is sealed. Though the approach to this story is going to be more flexible and fluid and ficlet almost, so one way or another we will see more Sydney at some point. But as to whether she'll live to tell the tale here I'm keeping my lips sealed. You'll have to read on to find out. That and the fact we have another part of the battle of Cheron coming up! Stay tuned.
Date: 08 Jun 2010 10:34 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
That's a very plausible history you've put together here not just for the Romulan War but also for the Border Service.
An interesting setting for tanew Trek story and I'm curious to see what you'll do with it.
Hey thanks CeJay. Glad the details seem to ring true or plausible enough. Obviously, I thought the setting would be interesting enough for a few Trek tales in this era. Here's hoping. Thanks for starting out with it.
Date: 07 Jun 2010 07:56 Title: Border Dogs: The Romulan War
A heart-pounding, nail-biting opening to this story. You really captured the epic scope of what is happening around Madison at the same time as keeping the focus very tight, on one character and her reactions. The result is an emotionally heightened, very coherent narrative -- some of your best work so far.
In other words .... I LOVE IT. ;-)
Wow! Thank you kindly kes7. That's a very heart-pounding review! Thank you again. Glad the instalment had the intensity it required. Was going for all of that but going for it and achieving it in the eyes of the readers is another thing entirely. Thank you again.